I debated writing this post, but I figured people would see it on Facebook and then message me for an explanation. I’d prefer to skip the 20 questions part of this exercise, so I’ll address the elephant in the room here.

I’m putting Roman up for sale. If you’ve been reading in-between the lines of the blog for the past few months, this won’t surprise you. I guess it surprises me a little, even though I’m the one making the decision.

It’s not that training boot camp didn’t go well. Actually, boot camp went pretty damn swimmingly. See cute ponykins below!


It’s not that Roman is a bad horse. He continues to get better and has lots of lovely qualities. Fact of the matter is that I just like Simon better, and I’m not rich.

If I hadn’t bought Roman, I’d still be sitting here pouting about not being able to do the hunters. Sometimes I think you have to go after a dream to realize that maybe what you had wasn’t that bad to begin with. It’s not a coincidence that the phrase, “The grass is not always greener” is directly related to horses.


I like Roman, but I want someone to buy him that loves him like I love Simon. My interests right now are moving back into other areas besides horses. I want to travel. I want to be able to devote a lot of time & energy to writing. There’s not enough hours in the day, and at the moment putzing around on my beloved nerd horse is more appealing than chasing perfect distances and lead changes in the hunter ring.

So that’s the scoop. It’s not as dramatic as y’all might have imagined, but more of a situation where my heart isn’t in it. Life is too short and horses are too expensive to hold onto things that don’t make you excited to wake up in the morning.


Do I feel silly for purchasing a horse and changing my mind? Yes, quite frankly I do. Lately I’ve been referring to it all as #learningexperience, because it has been one. I think Roman has learned some too, and I hope he’s a better off creature for his brief stay in my program. If you know someone looking for a talented, sweet gelding send them my way. He’s fancy enough for the hunters, but has enough motor and bravery for jumpers & eventing. Trainer and I think he’s a great guy that can be finished for a variety of jobs.

31 thoughts on “#learningexperience

  1. Roman is quite handsome in his big boy pictures! Excited to hear about your reprioritized adventures in writing, travel & whatever else seems interesting to you!

  2. Like I said, ‘what ifs’ will kill you — I’m glad you went for what you wanted and that you’re mature enough to admit when you realize it didn’t pan out how you had expected. Cheers to the next adventure <3

  3. Definitely don’t feel silly, if its one thing I’ve learned about growing up (in age and mentally) is that we are allowed to change our damn minds! I will definitely send people your way and talk to you more about him.

  4. He’s going to be such a fun horse for someone! No shame in focusing more on yourself than a horse you just quite haven’t been able to make the love connection with.

  5. Selling him is a better option than hanging onto him for years, expecting to love him any day now. (See: my relationship with that wretched creature known as Gina.) He can go be successful somewhere else, and you can focus more on yourself!

  6. Changing priorities is absolutely allowed. You’ve furthered his education and learned some things about yourself. Win-win. I’m sure it will be easy to find a great home for him. I look forward to reading anything you want to write about.

  7. It’s not the end for either of you, just a parting of ways and different roads to travel. I have shifted focus and changed my own route a number of times in the last 3 years.

    Roman will find a wonderful home and when the time is right, you may shop for another horse and find another that makes it easy for you to love as much as Simon. I’ve had 2 like that so far and the 2 I have now so we aren’t limited to only one heart horse ever.

  8. For those of us who board, a second horse is too expensive of a luxury to put money into and not feel like you are getting something out of it- and if all that you are getting out of it is feeling pressure to go ride or bring your horse’s training along and not enjoying the process it’s not worth it. I can imagine a huge weight will be lifted when you are back down to one horse.

    Roman is a better horse for having spent time with you, however short that time was.

  9. I can’t tell you how many times I had to go do a thing to realize and learn that it wasn’t what I wanted/needed/liked/fill-in-your-own-blank-here before moving on. I always felt a little silly at first sharing that I was going back on whatever I’d decided, but now I don’t because I’ve learned that I NEEDED to do whatever the thing was to really cement to myself that life without that thing was even better. I learned more about myself and my life from each of the experiences and wouldn’t change it for the world. Totally understand the #learningexperience ! I’m really excited to hear about the future pursuits you seek outside of horses. You’ve got some fantastic travel stories from the past, and I bet your new ones are going to be bigger and better. =) Cheers to you, lady!

  10. There are so many idioms that we can use (you never know til you try; you miss all the shots you don’t take; etc etc) bc idk. I guess sometimes we just need to go out and do a thing even if it doesn’t need up being the right thing. Ask me about that expensive K&M saddle I bought last spring. Anyway, Roman is a lovely horse and someone will certainly be very happy with him!

  11. He’s adorable, best of luck. Don’t feel silly at all. You made a choice, changed your mind. No big. Better than wondering and playing what if. I so respect a person who can admit they made a mistake, or changed their mind, and be open to change. That’s adulting.

  12. Haha, I think feeling silly means you made a choice to try something that wasn’t for you. Which is super brave. Plus, that face was cute. I’d have tried it. 😉

  13. This can be paralleled to swiping right…then after the first few dates nothings really wrong you just have the urge to unmatch….and so you just do. And everyone is better for it!

  14. If you feel like you are being silly, or guilty, or need to justify yourself… don’t. Just like you said, life is too short, and money that goes into horses can just as easily go into more heart-fulfilling things. Perhaps Roman was meant to come into your life to show you these things, and now you can set him free to find his own person.

  15. It’s so much better that you took the chance and learned a lot though! Plus you have good sense and now Roman can find someone that loves him like you love Simon. I’m sure Simon won’t mind getting all of the attention back!!

  16. Man, he takes a good picture. 🙂 Good looking guy.
    I agree, sometimes you just have to do things to figure out if it’s what you want to do. Good for you for going for it and for realizing it’s not what you want right now. I’m excited to hear about your travel adventures!

  17. Yes, I had ‘read between the lines’ on your previous blogs, and support your putting Roman up for sale (and am not surprised). It was obvious you weren’t happy and had no where near the feelings for him you have for Simon. He just wasn’t making you happy. I actually think it is a great thing you are doing, both for yourself and for whoever buys him. You’ve given him an even better chance to get someone who will be absolutely delighted with him and his ability and training. I applaud you for doing what your heart feels best. With Simon being at least partially leased, you can do all the traveling you want and know he is still in great hands, getting the exercise and love he needs.

    I hope you find the PERFECT person to own and love him. Then, in the future, if your interests swing back to working on hunters again, and your finances allow it, you can find another hunter, and maybe you’ll find you then have TWO heart horses. <3 Best of luck.

  18. Don’t feel bad or be too hard on yourself. He is a better horse for having spent time with you and will get an even better home. And now you won’t have to lust after doing hunters right now because you know it isn’t the right time for you. You deserve to ride a horse who makes you happy and he deserves and owner who loves him like you love Simon. We want different things in different stages of our lives. I am a different rider than I was before my parents died and I hip surgery. I think there will be a time
    When I am more motivate and hungry to compete again. But right now I love flat work and a gallop on the beach and doing house projects.

  19. Aww. Don’t feel silly. Not every horse is your heart horse, and there’s nothing at all wrong with that. Look at it this way, you bought him to be an investment horse. You put some time and training into him, and now he’s up for sale. As was the plan. Just maybe it moved along a little faster than you expected 😉
    I’m secretly glad you realized your true love for Simon. I think all of us readers already knew.
    I’ve had lots of learning experiences with horses… Remember Ducky, my stationary hony? You all never knew Jasper, but believe me, that was a learning experience of epic proportions… And then there was Mirage… I should probably just go ahead and draft up a post of all my equine learnings…
    I hope you’re not being hard on yourself about all of this. You make great decisions for your horses. I hope Roman finds his heart human soon!

  20. You are doing right by him and yourself. A learning experience is a worthwhile endeavor even if you cut it shorter than you first intended.

  21. I wish we already had the barn built, he might be a good match for my sister…or me…

    Good luck to you and Roman as you move on to new challenges! I’ve been lurking on your blog for a while now. My life took a steep turn right around the same time yours did, in a different way, and I can’t tell you how much it’s meant to me to read about your journey as I lived my own. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

  22. I think you are incredibly brave. You went after what you wanted and when it didn’t work and you wanted something else you learned to let go. That is totally admirable. I’m glad you were able to have Roman and hope he gave you some good memories to reflect on

  23. You posted this on Facebook a few days after I sold Riley (and I hadn’t made it public yet) — and it was like a breath of fresh air to read. I was worried for a long time owning Riley that I wasn’t having those “heart horse” feelings for him. I loved him, yes… but I wasn’t always super excited to ride him and I always reveled in watching him go for other people. He and I were a really good match for a long time and he was the best first OTTB a girl could want. He taught me so much, and I felt like he had so much more to offer someone else and that I’d be doing him a disservice by not allowing him to go show someone else the ropes. In exchange, selling him allowed me to find another project to bring along, this time maybe on a faster trajectory, or maybe this horse will be my forever horse. Only time will tell. I’m excited for you, and Simon, and Roman and all the adventures yet to come for you!

  24. I don’t think you should feel silly for buying a horse and selling it. As you said, if you hadn’t done it you’d always be wondering. You can’t figure that stuff out without jumping in the deep end.

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