Roman’s Lessons From Bootcamp

Roman’s Lessons From Bootcamp

Roman has been in training boot camp for a week. The weather isn’t making it 100% easy on us to get his schedule perfect, but we’re doing the best we can since the money tree hasn’t shaken its leaves and dropped a covered ring at my barn.

My trainer has been doing the bulk of the riding. I’m allowed to show up and sit on my horse once he’s had several days of conversations about life. After the first week, I realized that my fitness has totally gone to shit by not riding nearly as much. So while Roman is in boot camp with my trainer, I’m hitting up the gym to try and keep up with him fitness wise.

Anyway, Roman wanted to take this opportunity to share with my blog readers some tidbits he is learning.

I have discovered that trainer is both way more fit, and way better at riding than my mother. This is disappointing. She sees past my protests and makes me trot circles for DAYS AND DAYS. Mother will do the same, but not as long. I have learned that if I am good for Mother, our rides skew short and easy. I like short and easy, because I am a lazy Thoroughbred.

It has been deemed that it is unacceptable for me to protest a swinging leg. Does Beezie Madden’s leg swing? No, it does not. Should I have to settle for less than Beezie Madden?!?!

Trainer says I do. If not, we circle. Alas, I am starting to concede.

Ask me how much I love circles. Go ahead, ask.
Ask me how much I love circles. Go ahead, ask.

Mother’s expectations of me jumping are low right now. She says dramatic things like, “We are going to die if we jump this jump” which trainer ignores. I fear I may never jump above 18″ again, but am trying to look past it as I am well fed here. If I manage to climb all four of my legs to the other side of the fence, Mother is pleased. I can handle these expectations.

My feelings on Mother are still to be determined. I fear she doesn’t love me, and it’s hard to be vulnerable and put yourself out there when feelings are not returned. I do know that Mother doles out cookies, albeit cheap ones, every time I see her. There is no correlation between behavior and cookies, but I have discovered that if I jump jumps with people watching she gives me delicious blocks of candy. I love candy.


I have reason to believe that the expectations of my behavior aren’t going to get any easier during my tenure here. Often though, I am told that I am a “good boy” which is nice to hear because my self esteem has been suffering lately. There are rumors that I should eventually be cantering in a balanced way without rushing, but that is ludicrous so I am quick to dismiss them at this point. My trot is quite nice, and Mother should simply be less demanding in general.

It’s a hard life to be me.

So there you have it folks – straight from the source. Keep your fingers crossed that the rain holds off long enough for us to get another progress report next week.

30 thoughts on “Roman’s Lessons From Bootcamp

  1. I talked to Roman’s BFF Dial yesterday. He said Romans been trying real hard to make his momma like him and if only she would let him jump more bigger jumps he could show her he really is a boy worthy of love. And by love he means fancy treats.

  2. Roman is hilarious. I know what you mean about a balanced canter being where it is at. Copper has it…Paige…not so much, but I think its a new goal. It’s hard in a hilly field. I have arena envy.

  3. Dear Roman,

    The circles are not going to stop. Both the Mothers and the Trainers will make you do them. I have no idea why they enjoy this activity so much, but they do. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t protest. Keeps the Mothers on their toes. I can show you the way.

    Solidarity brother.

  4. He is looking SO much better in the short time you have had him! So much more balanced! He has such a sweet and honest look on his face when you are jumping – you can see he enjoys it and is trying SO hard. Very honest and willing. You’re doing great! #TeamRoman

  5. Laura, Still laughing but I’m being serious! When you “impersonate” your horses in your posts, it is SO funny and SO dead on. You should be writing books in this vein! We horse crazy parents would LOVE reading this to our horse crazy kids. I think non-horsey people would love it, too.

    Seriously, think about becoming a beloved children’s author! (It worked out pretty good for Dr. Seuss and Maurice Sendak)

  6. Katman here….

    Just wait Roman. If you think circles are bad, before you know it, Mother and Trainer will be asking for you to spiral in making smaller circles and collection, then spiral out with bigger circles when they ask for extension. They will claim all of this work will benifit you’re jumping, but I don’t do much of that so I don’t exactly know for sure. That’s just what I’ve heard. You should be glad those two haven’t conspired to put you to a carriage. It could happen you know. Just sayin

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