No matter how old you get, you won’t forget the afternoons you spent alone at that first barn. You won’t forget the way the grass ring felt with its slope on the left side, and how you always had to collect a little at the trot to not go racing away. It wasn’t fancy, but it didn’t have to be. Those four stalls, the wood worn smooth by generations of family horses, were your foundation. And it carries you a…
A year is not enough time to make sense of how I lost you. After Tim died, I threw myself into grieving. I wanted to see his face everywhere. Talk about him, explore all of the different facets of his illness and death. I went through his belongings like an archeological dig, excavated anything I could. Completely surrounded myself with him to try to make sense of the loss, to find answers to all of my questions. I guess when…
I’m more aware than I’d like to be about how time can heal some wounds. For the past month or so, life has seemed quite a bit less hopeless as I try to heal from losing Simon. It’s reassuring, because immediately after he died I wasn’t sure if it ever would again. I’m glad I was wrong. Of course the other side of grieving and healing that I’m also hyper aware of, is how refusing to let go of your…
I went to the barn today. I thought it would be terrible, I really did. I was supposed to go a week ago for the barn holiday party and yearly awards, but I couldn’t bring myself to face his empty stall when everyone was drinking and having a good time. So I sent my trainer my regrets, and put off going back until I felt like I couldn’t put it off anymore. When Simon first died, things were pretty bleak…
I wanted to live my entire life and never have to write this post, but the best horse I’ve ever had died on early in the morning on December 20th. While I was 2,000 miles away visiting family in Mississippi, he started colicing. When he didn’t come around quickly at the barn, my trainer and I agreed he should go to the clinic. There the original prognosis was good, and I want to bed at midnight my time concerned but…
My last update sharing Eliot’s cancer and my fears about letting him go was a bit of a downer. In case you’re worried, let me get to the punchline early: Simon is doing fabulous. I got him insured, so I didn’t have to worry about the “can I afford colic surgery?” question. When his weight dipped, I put him on not one but two high end feeds. First we tried Ranitidine to treat his ulcers. After we doubled the dosage and…
Really for almost all of 2016 and 2017, Simon was the most reliable creature on the planet. I showed up to the barn. He whinnied at me. His legs were cold and tight. For our ride, he’d be fussy in downward transitions but otherwise pretty good. I’d put him back up. The end. The most exciting he’d get was an occasional bit of gas, where he’d look sad but immediately perk up after a dose of banamine. That happened maybe…
If horse blogger friends aren’t the best kind of friends to have, they’re at least in the top 5. At least that’s how I felt after equestrian blogger extraordinaire, L Williams, came to see me last week. Though I’m blessed to have some awesome writing friends that I’ve made through my MFA program, I have to admit that I really miss going catching up on the latest barn drama over margaritas or analyzing everything horsey with my barn friends back…