Everyone keeps asking how I’m doing. My response is pretty much always “I’m okay,” because there aren’t really words to accurately say how I’m doing. I get up. I feed my dogs. I feed myself. I go do stuff. Some days I set aside for productive days. Those are pretty much just for tackling the poop list. They are mentally and physically exhausting… a blog post for another day.
In between my productive days, I try to do some fun stuff. My brain isn’t exactly wired for fun at the moment, but I’m fortunate enough to have a lot of people flocking around to support me. Some of them are my dear friends who have great ideas like making smores (I’m going to be a diabetic when I’m done with all of this). Others are helping by just asking if I want to go do something. Right now, I’ve made it a rule for myself to say yes to every invitation I can feasibly attend.
My dad always told me that people get tired of inviting friends to do stuff if the friend always says no. If you say no too much, you won’t get invited anywhere. I don’t want to be that “no” person right now, because in a few months the invitations will slow down and I don’t want to be totally alone.
So that’s how I ended up in a country rock bar at a strip mall, taking pictures in a giant wall of bubbles and drinking too much.
It’s how I saw some really nice fireworks this year in a lovely setting. Tim was never a huge fan of the 4th of July or fireworks, so thankfully it was a good “first holiday” that wasn’t too loaded with memories. I did take a ridiculously patriotic koozie with me that he bought as a joke at HEB one summer for tubing with friends. I thought about him as I drank my cider and looked over the water.
I even went to see Jurassic World with some horse friends, and got caught up with what’s going on with everyone at my old barn. Plus you can’t be too sad when you’re gasping at dinosaurs eating people in every other scene.
Perhaps my favorite act of saying “yes” this holiday weekend was when my trainer texted me if I wanted a lesson. Originally I had planned to lay low for a while until I get my feet back underneath me. Of course I would ride, but lessons and extras were going to need to be paused. However I probably only paused for about ten seconds before I texted her back that I would love to lesson.
So we did, and my nerd horse brought his A game. Gymnastics have never been a super strong point for us, but he was awesome. I ended the lesson with a smile.
I have to force myself a bit right now, but I really am doing okay. I guess that isn’t as much of a lie to people as I thought.