Junior Emotional Support Intern

Junior Emotional Support Intern

As I alluded to, I brought home a puppy last week. The same afternoon the vet confirmed her mass was assuredly cancer, I went straight from sobbing over her in my backyard to going to the closest shelter to look at puppies with a friend. If that chain of events feels illogical, I can assure you that it felt just as strange to me. I feel so, so broken about the short life she’s going to have. The bad days…

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Borrowed Happiness

Borrowed Happiness

I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of “borrowed happiness” lately. When people know something bad is going to happen, like a terminal diagnosis or someone bound to be fired on work, they say they’re on borrowed time. If you can find some joy before pending devastation, is that borrowed too? To borrow is to take with the intention of returning. But I’m not sure if time, or happiness, is something you can ever get back. It’s ours for…

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No Bad Days

No Bad Days

I spent the better part of last week crying over my dog. Like, really crying. The kind of crying that almost sounds like laughing if you don’t know the context. It’s a cruel trick on the body, because your muscles flex the same. When I wasn’t crying, I leaned on friends who were there to catch me. I told her how fabulous of a dog she is, and what her friendship has meant to be. I laid it on real…

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Anything But Her

Anything But Her

My anxiety often leads me towards ridiculous fears. I’m not proud to admit how many times I’ve diagnosed myself with skin cancer or an irregular heartbeat. It’s easy for my brain to create fiction that’s much scarier than truth. But my heart is breaking as I type this, because I was right when it came to Pascale. Yesterday a MRI revealed a mass growing out the base of her skull. It started in the bone, and is growing into her…

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Trauma and the Fears that Come From Loving a Dog This Much

Trauma and the Fears that Come From Loving a Dog This Much

My Pascale girl is not quite right. It started about two weeks ago, maybe more. At first she had a big hacking kind of cough, the kind that would make her regurgitate water after she drank. She’s gotten kennel cough before and fought it off on her own, but after about four days the hack wasn’t getting much better so I made a vet appointment for her. The day I made the appointment, she started acting head shy as well….

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Baby Dragon vs Baby Unicorn

Baby Dragon vs Baby Unicorn

Winter is an interesting time to own a baby horse. We’ve been fortunate so far (maybe less fortunate for agriculture) to not have much rain, so Poet has been able to be in pretty consistent work for the most part. My trainer rides him a minimum of two days a week, and I’m a minimum of another two days. Sometimes he gets ridden 5-6 days a week total (don’t freak, very light work on some of those days), but he…

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New Decade, Same Me (Kinda)

New Decade, Same Me (Kinda)

I know it’s been 2020 for a week now, but the new decade didn’t really start for me until this past Monday. It was the first workday of an uninterrupted week when I didn’t have guests or elaborate drinking plans in store. Don’t get me wrong—I love having guests and have been known to get down with an elaborate drinking plan, but my liver, sleep and overall well being needed a break. View this post on Instagram A post shared…

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For Simon

For Simon

A year is not enough time to make sense of how I lost you. After Tim died, I threw myself into grieving. I wanted to see his face everywhere. Talk about him, explore all of the different facets of his illness and death. I went through his belongings like an archeological dig, excavated anything I could. Completely surrounded myself with him to try to make sense of the loss, to find answers to all of my questions. I guess when…

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Raking Leaves and Turning 35

Raking Leaves and Turning 35

I have three large, mature trees in my yard. A White Oak and an Arizona Ash in the front, and another White Oak in the back. I know the Ash is at least 50 years old, and I’d imagine the oaks are that if not older. According to my arborist, time is dwindling for the Ash tree. He swears their lifespan is 20-30 years, and mine is far past that. I have it aggressively cut back every year, and it…

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Baby Po Deserves an Update

Baby Po Deserves an Update

I won’t even get into the lack of blogging. Instead, let’s talk about the baby dragon. Poet has been living in Austin for four months now. He traveled well, although dropped some weight which is to be expected. Immediately at landing at his new home which included this magical new thing called “turnout,” he settled dramatically. Now, I know I can be a bit fatalistic, but I may or may not have warned people about my baby horse. Phrases like,…

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Graduating, Moving Home, and Living the Dream (?)

Graduating, Moving Home, and Living the Dream (?)

A lot has happened since I last blogged, which I guess is par for the course when you blog maybe 10 times a year. I’d like to say I’m trying to improve on that ratio, but the reality is I’m not trying all that hard. If you’re really antsy for some SMTT updates (and why wouldn’t you be? I’m fabulous 😉 ) the best way to stay up to date is to follow my instagram accounts. The horse one is…

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Four Years

Four Years

I am, to put it mildly, a bit of a planner. Some might even throw around the words “control freak,” although that sounds fairly harsh to me. I prefer meticulous, driven by detail, thorough. It’s no surprise then that I had a plan for my widowhood. In my grief, I doubled down in planning and control. My best friend was ripped away from me, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. With him went the safe, idyllic life…

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