Baby Po’s First Horse Show

Baby Po’s First Horse Show

With how crazy and sad this year has been, I’ve been actively searching for things to look forward to so I don’t totally slump into a massive depression (you know, more than I already am). Since I brought Po home to Texas last summer, he hasn’t stepped foot off the property. I’ve been meaning to find a show to take him to to hang out with no expectations, but his feet were either not doing well or I felt poor…

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Five Years

Five Years

I’ve had it with being a professional griever. Five years ago today, my husband Tim died. In case you’re a new reader, it wasn’t expected or peaceful or anything like a Nicholas Spark’s novel. It was a raw, real drug overdose. I found him. I called 911, and did the chest compressions even though the second I touched him, I knew. In the five years following that it’s almost comical the things that I’ve lost. All of the three dogs…

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The New Status Quo

The New Status Quo

Are we on month 3 or 300 of covid life? It’s hard for me to keep track. My life is divided into segments now. Corporate job, Plaid Horse job, the never-ending task of feeding myself (so. much. cooking.), social distancing friendship and of course—the barn. And the barn looks a lot different now. I was put on part-time hours for my corporate job about three weeks ago now, which means that all of Poet’s training rides and lessons stopped. Ordinarily…

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Pascale

Pascale

I have been putting off this post. Every time I think about writing it, I start to crumble again. Throughout all of these losses y’all have read about in the past five years, I’ve always tried to approach them head on. Acknowledge the pain, be honest and open with you. But with Pascale, I haven’t been able to do that. It hurts too much. On Wednesday, April 22nd I said goodbye to Pascale. When the pain came for her, it…

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The Delicate Balance of Being

The Delicate Balance of Being

I never thought I’d live in a time when one minute I’d be reviewing the modeling on the number of deaths in Texas, and the next I’d think, I should really mow the grass before it rains. I don’t have to tell you how unsettling this juxtaposition of pandemic and “normal” life is. We’re all living it. The lucky ones, which I still currently am, have kept our jobs and work from home. Our meetings still run, deadlines arrive. We…

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Palliative Care for Inoperable Osteosarcoma with Holistic Vet Medicine

Palliative Care for Inoperable Osteosarcoma with Holistic Vet Medicine

Since the world is focused on the coronavirus right now, I thought I’d shed some light on something more uplifting… cancer! Pascale has officially passed the 30 day mark after her diagnosis of osteosarcoma in the base of her skull. While this post doesn’t offer anything in terms of literature or humor (okay, maybe a little humor), I did feel like it’s important to document what I’m trying to do to help her. To refresh, Pascale was diagnosed in early…

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Baby Po Turns 5 and is a Little Less Baby

Baby Po Turns 5 and is a Little Less Baby

With all the dog drama, I’ve admittedly been a little checked out at the barn lately. While I all sorts of great intentions to throw Poet a fifth birthday party, I instead lunged him in side reins and gave him lots of cookies. Welcome to the working world, baby horse! We are coming up on a year together, and I have lots to say about that. However, I’ll save that for our official anniversary. I’ve never owned a horse as…

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Interpersonal Relationship and Cancer Experience Manager

Interpersonal Relationship and Cancer Experience Manager

Things are a lot better than they were a week ago. In case you missed my stress from anthropomorphizing dog relationships, the short version is I was a mix of delight from adopting my new (adorable!) puppy, Lucie, and stress from Pascale seeming to hate her. In the middle of all of this interpersonal relationship dog drama, they both contracted colds. First Pascale got sick, and my vet thought Lucie simply brought home a bug from the shelter, and then…

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Junior Emotional Support Intern

Junior Emotional Support Intern

As I alluded to, I brought home a puppy last week. The same afternoon the vet confirmed her mass was assuredly cancer, I went straight from sobbing over her in my backyard to going to the closest shelter to look at puppies with a friend. If that chain of events feels illogical, I can assure you that it felt just as strange to me. I feel so, so broken about the short life she’s going to have. The bad days…

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Borrowed Happiness

Borrowed Happiness

I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of “borrowed happiness” lately. When people know something bad is going to happen, like a terminal diagnosis or someone bound to be fired on work, they say they’re on borrowed time. If you can find some joy before pending devastation, is that borrowed too? To borrow is to take with the intention of returning. But I’m not sure if time, or happiness, is something you can ever get back. It’s ours for…

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No Bad Days

No Bad Days

I spent the better part of last week crying over my dog. Like, really crying. The kind of crying that almost sounds like laughing if you don’t know the context. It’s a cruel trick on the body, because your muscles flex the same. When I wasn’t crying, I leaned on friends who were there to catch me. I told her how fabulous of a dog she is, and what her friendship has meant to be. I laid it on real…

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Anything But Her

Anything But Her

My anxiety often leads me towards ridiculous fears. I’m not proud to admit how many times I’ve diagnosed myself with skin cancer or an irregular heartbeat. It’s easy for my brain to create fiction that’s much scarier than truth. But my heart is breaking as I type this, because I was right when it came to Pascale. Yesterday a MRI revealed a mass growing out the base of her skull. It started in the bone, and is growing into her…

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