For the 12 days of Christmas, my Nerd Horse gave to me… 12 Christmas Pug Vines, 11 prose revisions, 10 Tinder creepers, 9 festive light shows, 8 Snapchat filters, 7 MFA apps, 6 cocktail parties, 5 GLASSES OF WINE! 4 work dramas, 3 wild dogs, 2 Thoroughbreds, and a festive Quail Manor house! Though we are not quite up on Christmas yet, I am in my last sprint of productivity for the year. I leave on Thursday afternoon to visit…
The Fourth of July has become a weird holiday for me. Last year I was still so numb with grief that the day blipped by in a haze. My friend Stephanye, the first of team LetsMakeSureLaurenDoesn’tKillHerself stayed with me through the long weekend. She was bubbly and happy and everything I needed her to be while we sipped cider and watched the fireworks explode over a lake, but I don’t remember feeling anything. The first month after Tim died was a time…
I have been pushing and pushing towards the blank slate feeling that comes with this time of year. I wanted the events of my 2015 to be like a bad nightmare. In the dawn, I’d wake up from the dream. At first I’d be groggy and still in that place where you can’t tell horror from reality, but eventually I’d rub my eyes and begin to see the morning light. The mental scars from my dream would still be there, but they’d be…
I recently finished the most relate-able book to my situation, The Mediocre Widow. There are lots of gems from this book that I could tell you about, but the topic I’m thinking about today is milestones. In her novel, Tidd talks about how widows will dread a milestone and be depressed about it far in advance. Often they aren’t even aware that they’re doing it, but many times when the day comes it’s not nearly as bad as all the time…
A few weeks ago, my raccoon brain listed that I might be thinking about taking a road trip. That was more than a might, because I’m plotting my biennial pilgrimage to North Carolina for Christmas this year. Tim and I made this trip two times together. The whole thing started because my company closes between Christmas and New Years every year, leaving me with a lot of extra vacation. Since we have family & friends in North Carolina, we figured it…
Everyone keeps asking how I’m doing. My response is pretty much always “I’m okay,” because there aren’t really words to accurately say how I’m doing. I get up. I feed my dogs. I feed myself. I go do stuff. Some days I set aside for productive days. Those are pretty much just for tackling the poop list. They are mentally and physically exhausting… a blog post for another day. In between my productive days, I try to do some fun…
We had a pretty fast and furious trip to North Carolina this weekend for a friend’s wedding. Our flight left at 5:15am on Friday morning, and I now know what it feels like to be within 60 seconds of having the jetway doors shut in your face. Not a fun feeling. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time not getting enough sleep and being a tad loopy. By loopy, I mean loopy enough to model my not very…
As of today, I’m back in my normal schedule of work plus barn plus life. Even though I’ve enjoyed my time off, I mostly like my job and am okay getting back in the routine. See, since December 23rd I’ve been very much out of any routine. My company closes every year between Christmas and New Years and the way the dates fell this year, I didn’t have to go back in the office until today. Usually all of this extra…