To whom it may concern regarding the new thing hanging in my stall,
I do recall a time in the not so distant past where a wonderful sugary orb was placed in my stall for licking. At first I was not so sure of this new object. What does it do? Why does it smell so good? How can I possibly secure it to get the tasty out?
I was told it was for ‘Christmas’, but I don’t really care about that. All I cared about was the delicious tasties I could lick and bite out of this wonderful object.
Those days I had to spend a lot of time in my stall, so these licky goodies were a real treat. Apple! Carrots! Banana! Molasses! Even garlic… they all had wonderful flavors and I got very good at eating them. A handful of dinners after they appeared in my house, and I could eat them all up. The only evidence Mom saw was some white sticky powder around my ears… but I don’t have a problem – I swear.
Imagine my delight when I noticed a newly hangy down treat in the horse house at my new pasture place! Hooray! But wait… this hangy downy thing is brown? And salty?!?
I don’t know who you think you’re fooling woman, but this is not acceptable. I already get salty things in my breakfast, but they taste of cherries and I can’t physically pick it out from the grain so I eat it anyway. Now you take a delectable thing and turn it into a brown crumbly salty mess? Disgusting.
I took two bites of this and I am not impressed. Bring back my banana flavor – now. I’m not sure you’re aware of the consequences of your actions. You say they’re expensive and I eat them too fast, but I have it on good authority that you pay a lot of money for me to jump slowly over little fences with flowers and for small woman to ride me and work on ‘going slow in the corners’. Whatever.
You can afford the tasty licky things.
Then we’ll talk about lead changes… maybe.
– Your Amazing Sporty Horse, Simon