Insert Expletive Here

Insert Expletive Here

Forewarning: this post has little to no educational value and is a monologue of me whining.  You have been warned.

I’m kind of on the verge of losing my shit, and I think I’m going to lose it over tall boots.  I know the subject of tall boots is not new to anyone who’s been around this blog for a little while, but I have reached a whole new frustration level. Let me tell you a little story:

Last October when I competed in my first horse show in 5+ years, the zipper broke on my left tall boots one week before the show.  I rushed it to a cobbler and begged/pleaded for them to fix it.  They did and I got the boots the night before my show, and showed in them the next day.

Last November before my first weekend away show ever, my right tall boot broke two days before we left.  There was no time to fix them.  I’m not proud of this, but I literally cried on the way home from the barn.  We duct taped them at the show.


And now, about three days after I get my repaired right tall boot back from the cobbler… I break the left one last night.  Yup.  I had on a thicker pair of breeches, used a string to string them up and POP!  The zipper popped off the leather in one spot and the pull separated from the other side of the zipper.

Fucking a.  Seriously.

So although I did not cry, I am really pissed/bummed/mostly pissed.  I have reached the following conclusions:

  • I can’t have nice things
  • I am too fat for tall boots
  • These Ovation boots are crap
  • They say boots should be skin tight, but really the zippers can’t support the fit you are supposed to have
  • This is another sign I should eventually do jumpers so I can just wear my gd half chaps

I’m going to go stew in my anger now.  You may go back to your regularly scheduled programming.

27 thoughts on “Insert Expletive Here

  1. UGH! How frustrating! I’m so happy my dress boots have a zipper up the shin (the Mountain Horse Victoria’s), otherwise my monstrous calves would do the same thing to my boots. Sometimes I think zippers are more annoying than boot pulls!

  2. I feel your pain!! I’m sorry to hear about the boots. I bought a new pair of tall boots a couple of years ago because my calves had (finally) gotten too fat for my 10 year old Ariats- they’re a pair of Treadstone boots. The zippers have broken on both boots, but fortunately I was able to get them fixed pretty quickly in Tulsa. I was REALLY pissed when the zippers broke and spent some time crying when I shoved my fat legs into my Ariats while the other boots were being repaired.

    So you are not alone! And you CAN have nice things, and you definitely aren’t too fat for tall boots. You just have to find the right pair! (Which is apparently not the Ovations.)

  3. I had my boot zippers break before I was warming up for a Jumper show once, thankfully it was jumpers so I did ride with a broken boot, I had no tape. I did cry a lot. Reserve Champion was a poor consolation for my rage. And yea, those Ovation boots are probably crap, go write a bad review it will make you feel better.

  4. I miss old school pull-on boots. They may have been a b*tch to get on, especially for those of us with, um, shapely calves, but they didn’t break!!! And to a certain extent, could be stretched.

  5. Never had a pair of tall boots with zippers but from reading the comments I’d say zippers suck. My daughter has had two pairs of very expensive custom boots with zippers and they broke too. I think the solution would be to eventually get a pair of custom pull on boots. I think they last longer. My Dehner’s are about fifteen years old. They’re still in good shape though, probably due to the fact that I don’t show anymore but still I’ve never had a problem with them and they’ve been through a lot.

  6. I have had the same experience with Western show chaps. It is no less irritating/frustrating/demoralizing when it’s your thighs doing the zipper-breaking. Makes me a grumpy pants reallll fast.

  7. I had to get pull on boots because the zippered boots were too tall for me. I also have super wide calfs which makes buying boots a nightmare. A friend found my new boots at a place in England. Hearing about your zipper woes makes me glad I did not fit those kind of boots.

  8. Hey, I work for Dover…what are your measurements and foot size? I might be able to hunt something down for you that will work. I have big ass calves (to go along with my big ass!) and know of at least one boot off of the top of my head that may work.

  9. Reading your post makes me fustrated and they’re not even my boots! So sorry you’re having that problem, I’m sure it’s such a pain. It’s not because of you, it’s because zippers suck. They break for everyone. Thankfully I still have my first tall boots that I got ten years ago but I don’t think I’ll ever buy zipper tall boots. It seems like the pull on boots are getting hard to find now. Good luck with your boot situation. :/

  10. Ugh that is so frustrating!! So sorry that happened. Don’t worry about venting, though. ( :
    And I don’t agree with any of the conclusions you’ve drawn, except maybe those boots are not good quality!!

  11. That that f*&^ing SUCKS! I wish I had a solution for you. My one suggestion would be to find a different cobbler (?). Oh, wait – I can make a small suggestion: My Ariat Maestros (dressage boots) got a bit too snug to work the zippers up and down so I contacted a custom boot maker. I ended up shipping the boots to him with my actual calf measurement. He stitched in a small panel of leather between the edge of the boot and the zipper essentially widening the boots at the calf. You can only see the addition if you look closely. Otherwise, the boots look great. Later, the zipper quit working on one of my Ariat field boots so I sent that boot to him as well. The new zipper works GREAT. I am thinking of sending the other boot to him to fix the other zipper since it works better than the original.

    Your conclusions are also all nearly wrong (except for the Ovations being crap!). You DO deserve nice things and you WILL have nice things. The Ovations were NOT nice things. Boots should not be skin tight – they should be comfortable and supportive.

    None of this helps you for this weekend though. I hope you find a solution for Saturday’s show, and then I hope you KICK SOME BUTT! :0)

  12. That really stinks about your boots. I haven’t had that particular issue but I do remember one show where I could not feel my feet at all because my boots were so tight, it became very painful by the end of the day. I have often wished that nice half-chaps would be acceptable show attire. I mean some of them you can hardly tell that they are half-chaps if you aren’t looking for it.

    Hope you find a solution!

  13. Sorry about the boots, that is incredibly frustrating… I’ve never heard many good things about Ovation! I think you could rock the duct tape look if it came down to that 😉 And if that won’t work, you should treat yourself to a pair of custom boots!

  14. Thats one reason why I was so close to getting customs last year before I got my boots, just because the quality of the zippers they are putting into the tall boots now are so crappy. Thankfully, the Mountain Horse zippers are pretty durable, so I haven’t had an issue with them yet.

  15. Wow. That is a huge bummer. I place the blame squarely on the boots, not your legs.

    I was born with six toes on my right foot. Although the extra toe has since been removed, my toe box on one foot is WAY too wide. The result? Custom boots. There is just no other option. And there are fortunately a lot of places that will measure you and create a pair of boots that takes your physical oddities into account. Once you get a pair that fits like a glove, it’s well worth the expense. 🙂

    But even if that’s not in the cards for you, I’m pretty sure standard tall boots don’t fit anyone on the entire planet (and no aliens either). So don’t take it too much to heart.

  16. Hi, there –

    Found my way to your blog for the first time after reading a comment you left on SprinklerBandit’s. I agree with you, BTW, I think she needs to turn her new pony out for 30-60 days and let him let down from the track – but, I’ve never even owned an OTTB – yet – so I’m just going by what I’ve read/heard/absorbed.

    Anyway, I’m so sorry about the boots! The only tall boots I own were purchased in about 1978. They are zipperless, needless to say, and are still serviceable (which has a lot to do with the fact that I’ve only used them maybe 20 times since 1982 – all riding done in half chaps these days). Had them resoled and the cobbler commented on the nice leather. I thought that pretty funny as these were inexpensive-ish, nothing particularly special boots from a now-defunct tack store in New York called Kauffman’s. Took a LOT of looking to find them as I have the opposite problem from you – incredibly skinny calves. My boots were actually taken in by a cobbler when I got them! I’ve maintained them all these years with Lexol, only, so I guess that stuff works pretty well. You can see how dorky and short they are in my avatar photo but by golly, I guess they just don’t make ’em like they used to….

    Hope you find some replacements that you like!

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