Hi, It’s Me
A big side effect of my grief has been compulsively wanting to reach out to people of my past that I’ve lost touch with. After all, there’s no better way to realize the frailty of life than staring at your 37 year old dead husband. It’s kind of like watching The Dead Poets Society on repeat for 100 years and condensing all of that into a 5 minute span.
Carpe diem, folks. Carpe diem.
Of course, a normal person might take this knowledge and go about there life slightly differently. Take more time to nurture your friendships, and call your family more often. That would be socially appropriate, but I am not a normal person right now.
Instead I choose to maniacally reach out to people through any platform possible… often social media. Below is a (fairly realistic) dramatic reenactment of a Facebook message I sent someone.
Hi! I know we haven’t spoken in like ten years, but how are you? I am not so great. DID YOU KNOW PEOPLE DIE?!? That’s terrible. I was thinking about you the other day (and how you are not dead) and wanted to reach out. Remember that time at the bar when you said the thing? That was great. I hope you are doing well and are VERY ALIVE. We should probably chat and be best friends because life is SHORT! Do you know how short it is? SO VERY, VERY SHORT. Call me!
Bless this person, who did not judge my crazy and actually responded to me. He’s one of the good ones.
One of the people in “Team Keep Lauren Out of the Deep End” has self-appointed herself not only to try and keep me from losing all of my marbles, but now also to stop me from scaring people. I run messages by her first, and she calmly tells me that perhaps I should remove the bit about “We’re all doomed to die so we should make the best of it while we can” when re-connecting with someone from my past. This is one of the many reasons I love her.
While I have rebooted some friendships that I am happy to have back in my life, a lot of my efforts have gone unappreciated. Some never responded to me at all (perhaps the crazy ran a bit too strongly) while others will respond, but talk about nothing but themselves. I believe those who know me and have been with me through this grieving process will agree that I am capable of talking about plenty of things besides my dead husband. Really, I try to keep this from being “The Lauren Show” (except my blog because duh, you’re here to read what I have to say versus tell me about your frustrating meeting at work).
So it’s a little hard for me to talk to someone who used to be a deep and cherished friend, only to have them not ask about how I’m doing. One person even forgot that Tim died, and curiously quizzed me why I was moving to an apartment versus staying in my house.
This tragedy has brought to light a lot about myself and the relationships in my life. While many of these discoveries are good, I’ve also seen the true core of a lot of people.
Life is short, and people are important. Friendships and love and love of friends are a huge part of what keep us alive. In between sending crazy Facebook messages, I’m going to have to learn how to let some people go because even though it’s important to hold close the people in your life that you cherish… it’s equally important to drop the ones that bring you down.
In the events that have shaken out months past Tim’s death, I’ve mourned the loss of those relationships almost as much as my husband.
But time moves forward, and the good people are still there. They’re there to tell me that I’m not quite as crazy as I think, and they’re there to keep me from terrifying my high school English teacher as I draft a heartfelt letter thanking him for showing me The Dead Poets Society all those years ago.
18 thoughts on “Hi, It’s Me”
Letting go of people (WHO ARE ALIVE) is hard, but sometimes it makes life so much better. Glad you’re finding ways to reconnect.
Sometimes I wish there was a “Bye Felicia!” button in my brain I could just push to eject someone.
HAHAHA I do this periodically but have no compelling reason to reach out to people other than I am crazy or, as I like to think of it, FRIENDLY!!
I mean, I send Christmas (and sometimes Halloween or Thanksgiving or Flag Day) cards to ANYONE who has ever given me their address. Johnny thinks this is the behavior of an insane person, but I say, what kind of person DOESN’T like getting a card in the mail?!
I’m sure many people are glad you reached out to say hello, even if it’s been a long time!
Right? SINCE WHEN IS BEING FRIENDLY CRAZY AND OR SCARY!!!!????? Hahahaha
SINCE NEVER!!! 😀
Letting go of people you aren’t ready to let go of is the hardest. It’s a totally ‘nother story when you are just so ready to cut someone off. I think that is where your ‘Bye Felicia’ button totally kicks in that you mentioned earlier.
And you are totes able to talk about so many many things under the sun. *hugs*
i totally get the impulse to reach out at random and don’t trust myself at all (which is part of why i actually don’t do much with social media…)
This is such a great post. I actually have a “bye, Felicia” button in my brain now (took a while to develop) and it is so liberating.
Love this post. Agree with it all 100%. Some people are the best. Others not so much. Weeding out the ones not worth your time can be hard.
You can send me random friendly fb messages anytime. Be prepared, I may respond with baby horse videos or pictures though. I think all of my friends are going to stop responding to me soon…
You. You can be my friend.
Sometimes we forget why certain people are in our past. But thankfully they’re quick to remind us. Also makes you appreciate the ones who are still around.
I say embrace your inner Adele song! The rebooted friendships make it worth the effort and the fools who couldn’t be bothered to respond or who can’t possibly NOT be center of attention for two seconds are missing their chance!
It does really suck to cut your losses on a friendship that used to be great/or maybe you only thought it was great but you’re right, it is important to weed out the noise. Quality over quantity- alllllllllll day erry day!
I think my ‘Bye Felicia” button works a little Too Well sometimes. Maybe we can work out a trade?
Girl, embrace the crazy if you feel like it. I embrace mine every day. And if you want to send scary weird messages to anyone without having to run them by anyone, talk to me any day and I will embrace your thoughts. And embrace you. I will even try to not give you my stray dog’s mange when I do so.
I am certifiable and will not judge in the slightest.
Ahhh yes, the random ” Hey! Remember me!?” facebook message. I always think those are fun! Though I rarely get them or send them, but they are still small treasures to enjoy. Feel free to send me any CRAZY my way 🙂
My heart hurt to think someone forgot Tim died. Good for you for reaching out to old friends. I hope your recently rekindled friendships bring joy and laughter.
Oh man, I totally need to hire a crazy filter! Crazy email writer + genetic problem with impulsiveness = um, a lot of people fleeing for their safety. Even the cats run away & I don’t think they’re literate (but they are cats, so…).
It is sad but true that when bad things happen, you learn a LOT about the people around you. A lot of it is disappointing, but there are also a lot of unexpectedly good surprises. So glad to hear you are finding them out there! <3