Social media is a funny thing in situations like these. For the first few days after Tim’s passing, it was pretty much radio silence through my typical social media channels. There were a lot of calls to make, and I didn’t want anyone in the inner circle to find out through a Facebook post. I’m sure I missed some people, but I tried to keep the news as personal as possible.
By day two of telling people, “personal” ended up being a text from me. Whoops… so much for that plan, but there are only so many times I can say what happened and try to explain the situation while keeping my psyche in mostly one piece.
Anyway, on Monday the majority of my online social world knew through the original blog post, which also got shared among some friends and family. My personal Facebook was still pretty quiet, but pictures of him from our friends started popping up through my news feed. At first they made me cry, because duh… everything does (including a fondu pot this morning). After the initial heart pang and sob, I’m just so happy to see some of them.
This was from the best day of my life with the people I loved the most, and look how happy that man is! We should all be so lucky.
On Tuesday his obituary ran in a North Carolina as well as an Austin paper. Writing that was its own adventure. I was trying to look for examples online, and realized that most obituaries these days are one line at best. Person name. Birth date. Death date. Service info or just a line saying that there will be no service. Fucking depressing. So I googled what is proper to include and went a little overboard writing all the words. $800 later and I feel like he is properly recognized.*
* ps that is not a plea for donations or anything like that (I am fine), that is me being surprised at how much obituaries cost. Well played newspapers in an online economy, well played.
I shared Tim’s obituary to my personal Facebook page, since I wasn’t sure that anyone in the world really spent time cruising that section in the paper. It was difficult to write and even more difficult to see show up on Google the next day, but I’m happy with it. As soon as it hit my personal FB, all the acquaintances and less close friends knew and started sending their support and love. I will never shy away from sending a note to someone facing a hard time, even if I haven’t talked to them in years. I got so many of those yesterday, and they helped me through a rough day.
Spoiler alert – shopping for craft supplies and decorations for a memorial isn’t as fun as it may seem.
The best comments I got were ones that recognized how much we loved each other. An old friend mentioned how he looked at me when we first started dating, and people who I thought barely knew us told me what a lovely couple we were and will still be. I would cry with each of those comments, because they reminded me of the great love I’m missing as well as reaffirm that the world knows that I love this person with my whole heart.
I also did my first act as a single/widowed (which do I use?) woman and re-activated my Netflix. I’ll be taking bets on how long it takes the reality TV and cooking shows to overtake the current recommendations of Zombies and skeezy slasher films. It’s a weird feeling to accept that you’ll be marching forward in the world uncoupled with absolutely no desire for anyone else.