A while ago, I had lunch with several barn friends and the men in our lives came up. One who was single at the time said, “I just want someone who won’t get upset about the horses!” It’s a pretty valid request, as we all know just how much time and money horses take up in our lives. Today I want to focus on the money part though.
Does your significant other get upset about the money spent with horses?
I realize that’s a pretty personal question. For me, we’ve been through all different phases of this. While I won’t put out my entire personal life on the table, I’ll say that at this point in time my husband is extremely supportive of my hobby. This is an extremely good thing, because riding to me is pretty much like breathing and I can’t imagine my life without it.
It was hard for us to get here though, and I have to be careful with myself. For example, complaining too often about a bad show, ride or lesson to my husband has not so great consequences. When he hears me complain, he doesn’t interpret this as part of the journey… but instead as me not enjoying something that is stupid expensive.
Also, I have to be very careful about how we talk about budgeting/money in our household. We keep our finances separate, which I’m mostly okay with. However, it’s maybe not the best idea to be critical of how the breadwinner spends his money when you have a 1200 animal that eats dollar bills for breakfast. Nom nom. Dollars. Nom nom.
One recent funny though, is a conversation we had driving to his parents for Christmas. This was recently after my disaster of a year end show, and previous to that show I had been contemplating meeting an old trainer for a week of an A show outside of Austin. I told my husband that I had nixed those plans entirely.
“You shouldn’t rule it out though, you never know how things will look in a few months.” (He is a really good cheerleader)
“You’re right, but I don’t want to go spend $1500 on a show if I’m too nervous to ride properly. I feel like I need to get miles in a cheaper setting.”
This is when he started to sputter. “Is that how much they cost?!? They really cost that much?!? Oh my god. That’s like… 1/2 the computer I want… and I get to KEEP the computer! Please never tell me how much shows cost again. I’m going to try and forget this conversation now.”
So now I’m not going to tell him how much they cost anymore 😉
Basically, I’m very lucky on the money-horse husband scale of the world. He doesn’t present me wads of cash and say, “Please honey, go buy breeches!” but I don’t really want him to either. He helps in so many other ways, and being limited a little by my personal finances actually reigns me in some. The dynamic between husbands, horses and money is never super simple though, that’s for sure.
Is this a harmonious partnership in your household, or do you tip toe around the money issue with your SO?