From Rawr to Defeated

From Rawr to Defeated

I feel like I have no control over my life right now. I’m a bit of a control freak, so you can imagine how well this is going for me.

Each day I make a list of things I need to accomplish. This is a list of 4 out of 342395832043 items that haven’t changed status in days.

– File travel insurance claim forms
– Get process for vehicle transfers
– Get health insurance policy #
– New toll tag

Yesterday, I spent an hour on the phone trying to get the right information for only two of those line items. I only got as far as “we promise this is the right person you need to talk to THIS time”, but still no answers.

As soon as I feel like I’m making headway, I get slapped with disappointing news from things I thought I could count on. The stresses are mounting.

Do yourself a favor – even if you are young and healthy, do a little research for your spouse. Make things easier for them in their time of grief. Write a will. Write down all your account passwords. File things in a somewhat organized matter. Maybe don’t be a technology hoarder?

My husband loved me, but he left me with a giant pile of shit that I am crumbling under. It’s like a nightmare I’m not waking up from, and it’s only getting harder instead of easier.

34 thoughts on “From Rawr to Defeated

  1. Sorry you are going through this. It sadly happened too often, I see it often at work. Without a will a lot is left in limbo. If you need help looking things up, calling anyone, or any paperwork help just let me know, I would be happy to lighten your load.

  2. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this, I wish there was a way for all of us to lighten your load.

  3. You are being too hard on yourself. Estates and the accompanying poop take forever. As in FOREVER. In. The. Best. Of. Circumstances. Celebrate any victory, no matter how small. Hugs.

  4. ugh what an important piece of advice – but yet exactly the lesson everyone would rather not learn. i’m so sorry that this keeps compounding on you 🙁

  5. I’m here with gobs of time if you need help with anything! I can also vouch for estate crap taking FOREVER. My SO’s grandma passed away and she had an explicit will and it still took over a year for everything to settle out.

    Celebrate the little victories and keep taking it one day at a time. We are supporting you!

  6. I have no real advice. . . just sending well wishes your way…and the idea that all we can do sometimes is take it one day at a time, one hour, one minute, one task….sucks when every task is difficult though…frustrating. . . . eventually it will even out. It sounds like you have a good support system around you – lean into it. ((hugs))

  7. I wish I could help. How frustrating for you. Ugh.
    But that is a good point you make. I recently was thinking about that. I’m alone. I mean I have family, but no husband or boyfriend or anything like that. I feel like there’s someone who should know my passwords and important info just in case. hmmm.

  8. it will not make you feel better, but my mother is still dealing with estate poop 7 years after my dad died. sooooo, there’s that. yours will probably be a little easier, as I imagine Tim’s family is not poop like my dad’s. Hugs to you. If you need a hand reach out- I did a lot of this stuff for her. Even if you only tackle one phone call a day it’s still progress.

  9. Seriously, there are lots of us out here who care, and who are quality beaurocrats. If you can turn over one of your key questions with the starter info you already have, I’ll bet we could at least nail down a path/process for you, even without any sort of formal authorization or power of attorney. That said, I tried to transfer title to another private citizen for a car here in MD and it was painful — until I found a tag & title shop to handle it for me for about $100. Do they have those in Texas?

      1. My aunt runs a tag and title shop, they tend to be cheaper and a whole lot more convenient than dealing with the MVA. I’m sure she’ll be able to answer questions that you have if you want to shoot them my way.

  10. So sorry you’re dealing with all of this on top of your loss! I’m going to type up a password list now, thanks for the mostivation. 🙂

  11. You have given us some excellent advice. We should take it.

    We have lots of tech here and a respectable collection of games and game systems. My husband also created an extensive home network to save and backup photos and important work documents. I have mentioned to him previously how awesome it is, but that I have no idea what to do with it if he were incapacitated in some way. Tech is always a blessing and a curse.

  12. There are just no words I can write in a blog comment that will convey the sympathy I’m feeling for you. I give you a HUGE amount of credit for trying to keep tackling that awful list. I would be in a fetal position refusing to participate in life because I would be so overwhelmed. You are so strong, even if you don’t feel like you are sometimes. Good suggestions in these comments and I’ll keep offering whatever help I can.

  13. *hugs and more hugs*

    As an Army wife, I think my husband and I deal with the “what ifs” much more than most couples out age. Before each of his multiple deployments (it’s been about once a year), we pick an afternoon/evening and review everything – insurance, living wills, wills, powers of attorney, any wishes, all paperwork that is in one or both of our names. Originals are kept in a fireproof safe, one set of copies of the whole file we give to my parents and one set we keep in my desk. It includes lists of every account that is open, passwords to all online accounts, etc. I’ve served on Care Teams – support teams that offer assistance to spouses when their service member has been injured or killed, and the *chaos* that can erupt is such a burden when you are already on the grief roller coaster.
    There are a lot of people who *want* to help you, but don’t know how. A lot of the really tough things – you will have to do. But, please, don’t hesitate to say yes to outstretched hands.

  14. I watched what my Mom has had to go through with her father’s estate – one that she managed for the better part of 10 YEARS – and it’s still taken two years to settle everything. I can’t even imagine what it’s like trying to put together a puzzle like what you are doing. Just echoing everyone else but if there’s anything I can do to help – even go to the DMV with you to provide moral support – just let me know!

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