Since this is primarily a horse blog, I tend to keep the topics fairly upbeat and of course… pony related. In the horse front, I have a lot to be thankful for. It is such a privilege to be able to lesson, train and show like I am right now. Even with our challenges, I am so thrilled to have Simon and really enjoy our time together.
That doesn’t change the fact that behind the scenes, I’ve been pretty low this year.
Sure, a lot of it was related to the dog drama or this thing or that thing, but I began to realize that I was really unhappy with how I was living my life everyday. This hit home the hardest when I went to the weekend horse show a few weeks ago, and was so disappointed with myself on Saturday and so hard on myself. Reflecting the week after, I began to realize that I was making these horse shows oh-so-important because I wasn’t very happy with some of the other aspects of my life right now.
So I’ve been trying to change that.
There’s no black and white answer to feelings of depression, but I’ve tried to break it down into some simple action items I can do. Recently I took it very literal and bought myself a tiny journal (love journals). Every day before bed I try to write down just a list of things I did that day that made me feel good about myself. They are so shockingly simple.
Put on makeup. Do an extra load of laundry. Cook a healthy meal. Walk the dogs. Paint my toenails. Buy a new shirt on sale.
Not for my husband, not for my dogs, and not for my horse… but for me. And I do feel a little better.
I won’t kid myself and say that I’ve found a magic fix for my problems, but living the life I want to live seems more attainable after the past two weeks. That’s good enough for now.