Pursuit of Happiness

Pursuit of Happiness

Ever since Tim died, I knew that I wanted to give myself some kind of physical reward for making it through this process mostly intact. I’m not above self bribery at all, and there have been many a day where I’ve woken up thinking something like, “I will get out of bed today even though I won’t want to and someday this will all be worth it.” Of course, getting up every day is worth it regardless of any happy I could have dreamed up. I’ve got a great network of friends, hobbies, family and things to do. I love where I live and I have a career that’s booming in my city. There is a lot to be thankful for, and I continue to try and see that every day.

Buuuuut I still have this little desire to ‘treat yoself’.

Even though it has come from tragic circumstances, I’m able to do that right now. People who know me in real life have heard me talk about so many grand plans that at this point they just roll their eyes and think, “What will she come up with next week?” My grand ideas about what to do have gone through quite the gamut. At one point or another, I have told someone that I planned to do the following:

  • Quit my job and go to grad school full time
  • Take Simon to WEF
  • Buy a baby horse
  • Buy a project horse
  • Buy a baby project horse
  • Become a real estate baron
  • Move to Wilmington, NC for no other reason than I can afford a cute condo in the historic riverfront
  • Quit my job and live in an RV as long as I can
  • Live overseas
  • Buy a saddle
  • Get a roommate

I'll take one of these please
I’ll take one of these please
Of course, I’ve done none of this… except buy a saddle and them promptly resell it. What I have done is worked out these elaborate plans in my mind like a crazy person, and then decided they’re not a good idea. Bless my patient friends who continue to listen to me without judgement. Every single one of them nods their heads, and quietly nudges me in the right direction when I’m getting too crazy.

This has gone on for ten months, and although I haven’t acted out any of my crazy plans… I have acted on the stable ones. I bought my house. My lawyer has been toiling away (love her) on settling Tim’s estate. I’ve put funds where they needed to be for long-term stability, and I’ve decided to once again forgo my MFA dreams in order to keep my lifestyle (and let’s face it – horse’s lifestyle) at a level that I’m used to. Though I’ve been theorizing more decisions than I’ve been actually making, I don’t regret any of the decisions that I have made.

And one of these...
And one of these…
To try and solve my horse showing conundrum, I’m about to make another one. Simon is my first priority and after a lot of number crunching, I knew that taking on a second horse long term would not be doable for me. I can’t keep up two horses at the level I think they should be maintained for a showing life, which rules out baby horse and project horse.

What I can do is take on two for a limited time. A short term horse with a return policy? Sign me up! Basically, I am going to look for a hunter to lease for around six months to a year. I’m not entirely sure what that situation will look like, but am confident the right one will come along. It might be me having two horses for a while (omg, the luxury!) or it might be that I half or full lease Simon out to a new friend for a little bit.

Absolutely need one of those!
Absolutely need one of those!
I’m not sure how everything will work out, but can we ever fully predict the future? Not one bit! For now I will be thoroughly enjoying my nerd (heart) horse as well as looking for a hunter unicorn to play with for a little while. So if you know of any unicorns looking for a lease right now, send them my way! 🙂

37 thoughts on “Pursuit of Happiness

  1. TREAT YOSELF GIRL!!! Of all the grand plans out there, I’m sure leasing is the most doable and practical. Sounds like a great plan to me! Good for you!

  2. Ohhhh treat yourself!!! After about being horseless (my OTTB is retired) for about 5 years. A wonderful opportunity came along to ride my best friends Trakehner. I am doing a half lease on him, plus pasture board for my OTTB. Sure, i’m paying more but I haven’t been this happy in years!!! I just waited for the right opportunity. Be patient and don’t jump at the first creature that comes along! 🙂

  3. This sounds great, best of both worlds! I hope you find a good hunter pony to enjoy!

    I would love to do a lease and let Stampede off the hook (as opposed to him doing it himself like he does regularly!) but already having two ponies makes that more difficult. I’ll just be patient!

  4. Yesss, I am all on board with this idea, except… DON’T GET THE GREY, even if he’s super schmancy. Well, unless he comes with a full-time groom to actually keep him GREY and not some sad shade of dingy yellow. Ask me how I know.

  5. What a fabulous way to treat yourself! I hope it is a very rewarding relationship for you (and leased horse)!

  6. You’ve had to make some pretty tough decisions lately. I’m sorry that Simon didn’t meet your hunter dreams but am happy he’s able to fill so many of your other dreams. This new plan to lease a hunter is super exciting! I can’t wait to hear how this unfolds.

  7. Ah so exciting! I love looking at leases! It’s the fun of horse shopping without the horrible crushing “OMG HUGE DECISION I’M STUCK FOR LIFE” stress. Whee!!

  8. Love this!!! I think you’re making the right decision for both of you 🙂 The right lease horse will come along and the right plan for Simon will also fall into place!!! Excited about this opportunity for you!!!

  9. Not sure you should give up on being a real estate baron yet simply so you can call yourself that, but yay! I like this decision! Hopefully you find someone fun with auto changes to rule the hunter ring with!

  10. I think you made the best choice. Is it wrong to go over plans or dreams in your head? I don’t think so. Explore every possibility open to you, I think it makes your life better.

    I love the look of the bay in that last photo.

    1. Oh, and I did the baby project horse thing when my old OTTB hunter-who-would-rather-be a jumper was 20. He (the baby) had stitches twice for weird accidents he seemed to get into, and he was shot during deer season, all before he was 2. I had a hard time with him at first, he had a tendency to have panic attacks. Can’t blame him. I love him now, he’s 10 this year, but it was tough getting here. No more of those for me, thank you very much.

  11. Oh yayyyyyy!!!!! Pony shopping! So fun! (As an aside, you sold the saddle? Do tell us more!) I hope you find a loaner unicorn RIGHT AWAY!
    I don’t have anything to send your way. I have Jamp who I would love to lease out but he really should be on xanax and I don’t think that will help you. Also, he only gets his changes when he feels like it. You already have one of those. Or I have Romey who I’m afraid to canter. Or GTO but also a green bean. And Rio, but he’s (mostly) retired.
    Um… I haven’t suffered any major traumas lately, but I’m all for treating myself. This is the one bonus to being an old spinster. I can spend my money however I damn well please. (Within reason.)

  12. Dreams are free girl, and they keep life interesting. We also live in a society of treat yoself-ers, so keep on treating haha. Very excited to ‘meet’ your future hunter-unicorn, you deserve some fun 🙂

  13. Show horse to ride but not have to own while still owning rideable horse who can do what you like? Um, win. Have fun perusing, sounds like solid gold brain-distracting engaging material to me! I too discovered it was basically impossible to keep 2 horses fit working 40+ hrs with lots of travel. They were “generous” enough to resolve that issue for me :/ although I will acknowledge that the removal of one giant time-pressure stressor in my life, aka getting my horse fit again & ready to compete (which I can’t afford anyway), is not entirely a bad thing. My job is enormously complex & demands 110% as it is, combined with my variety of other endeavors…telling oneself “I am superhuman” alas, does not make it so…yet.

  14. I love several of your plans, and would probably ask to come along with you if you move ahead with them. 🙂 Good on you for moving forward and being willing to think of what’s coming up and what you can do, instead of becoming mired in the day to day stuff of just getting through the now. Sounds like you have a great play in place for the now, and if anyone deserves to treat herself, you do. Have fun with it!

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