My Job at the Cult – The Departure

My Job at the Cult – The Departure

You’re probably going to be shocked, but I was job hunting for the last 3 months of my 6 month stint at my job at the cult.  I took any interview I could get (including some really awful positions) to try and get out of there, and finally something worked out.  It wasn’t even a good position, but it was most likely not in a cult.  At the time, that was enough for me.

Before I had another job offer, I fantasized for months about quitting the cult… always in various rageful ways.  My favorite fantasy was during a huddle.  They would ask for volunteers for “people caught being awesome” and I would raise my hand.

“I’m caught myself out for being awesome – I quit!”


I’m honestly too shy to do anything super ballsy like that in front of a large group of people, but I did find my own way to give the company my own little FU on the way out.

See months prior, I briefly had an employee.  I say briefly, because they were determined to fire him.  Said employee wasn’t stupid, and instead of getting fired he found another job and quit.  When he went to the HR department to put in his two weeks, they gave a rather strange response.

“Obviously your heart isn’t in this.  You should just go home.”


I didn’t find out until after the fact.  No one had consulted me on whether we needed his help for those following two weeks (we did) or if I had his files together before he quit (I didn’t).  That moment made up my mind – when I quit, I wasn’t giving notice.

The verification of my new job came a little bit after lunch that afternoon.  I spent the afternoon rapidly IMing my work friends “I’M LEAVING I’M LEAVING YAY” and cleaning up my desk.  I don’t tend to keep a ton of stuff at my work desk, so I had it all squirreled away in my purse by 4pm.  I deleted personal files off my computer, and took my (stuffed) purse with me to walk over to my boss’ mini-office at 4:55pm.

“I have another job offer, and I’m leaving the company.  Since I have been told in the past that X does not honor notices, my departure is effective immediately.”

She blinked at me.


In normal circumstances, I would never do this to my employer.  I even felt bad doing it to her at the time.  She asked me to reconsider, and asked me if I would help the company some during the transition.  I said no to both, so she walked me to the HR office.  I turned in my badge, and never looked back.

Any feelings of guilt went away when my team told me the next week how she told everyone I was “already under review” and it was better for the company that I left.  Yes, better for the company because by me leaving I stopped wanting to murder people every afternoon.

So that’s the epic saga of the worst job I’ve ever had.  Good riddance!


17 thoughts on “My Job at the Cult – The Departure

  1. I’ve always wanted to go up to each person I knew in the company and just tell them how much I hated them, etc. I never could do that at any job I worked at, but I knew a guy who did and I sort of envied his courage and care-free approach haha.

  2. I want to rage quit all the time. I usually give 2 weeks notice but I think at my current employer if I can quit and immediately go on vacation that would be great (or at least thats how I feel at Month End)

  3. I have appreciated every single one of these posts. The Cult sounds like a good idea gone so wrong. So VERY very wrong. I don’t understand how people can live with themselves like they did/do. Ugh.

    Totes thrilled with how you quit – I’d say you gave them way courtesy than they deserve (cleaning up your desk, deleting personal files, etc).

  4. The only sadness in you quitting is no more funny cult job stories!!!! Unless there are more??? 😉 I love these posts! I laugh out loud every time you post one 🙂

    Sorry the job sucked but it makes for great humor later on!

  5. This series was excellent. I feel like it was a cross between Fight Club and Office Space with less fighting and more flair.

    Good for you for making a quiet yet meaningful departure. It is hard to believe that level of crazy actually exists. I worked at a company that did lots of layoffs and moral was terrible. They also did lateral promotions (no extra pay). I declined one of those.

  6. lol sounds like the barn drama I accidentally found myself in… where I want to murder things… and fantasize about all the things I’d say if I could… I’m glad you got out of there and into a better situation!!!

  7. awesome – just the right amount of ‘f u’ while still seeming pretty reasonable. i’m never ballsy enough for the big throw-down either lol

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