Over Thanksgiving, my husband and I took a very anti-Thanksgiving cruise. This isn’t to say we hate the holiday per say, but when your relatives are spread out over two different states in four different cities (none of which you live in) the holidays get a bit complicated. So I said, “Screw it,” and booked us a cruise.
Now I have only been one one cruise when I was thirteen (?) or so. I remember them taking my picture a lot, posing with a tropical bird on my shoulder in Key West and being really surprised by the fact that many people didn’t leave the boat when we went to port. Not knowing how I would react to cruising as an adult and not knowing how my husband would react to cruising at all, I booked us a larger balcony room and tried to prepare him for how cheesy cruises can be. We would be gone for four nights, and would sail from Galveston, Texas to Cozumel, Mexico and back. Sounds delightful!
In many ways, it was delightful. We loved our balcony, and watching the sunset and the waves.
We liked Cozumel a lot, minus a jet ski incident that I will have to go over in another post because I am still living slightly in shame.
We liked spending four days by ourselves with no dogs, no responsibility and no connections to the real world.
We liked the food okay. We liked drinking with no worries about DD’s or missed flights or really anything, because how much trouble can one really get into on a boat? Spoiler alert – we did not super love the drinking bill we got after landing back in Galveston… but hey, vacation!
We even liked our dining table guests. For those who haven’t been, you eat dinner at a set time at a set table every night. Almost always you’re seated with strangers, and though I worried the first night when my vegan husband was sat across from a small town Louisiana man who made deer feed for a living (true story) – the evening was saved when we realized that both LA man and I both adored horses. Hooray! Ponies to save the day! Unfortunately for me, I still had horrible laryngitis from my cold and could literally only croak out things like “I feed electrolytes” which he politely nodded to because no one could understand anything I said. The one time I meet a horse loving stranger, I can’t even talk and end up scaring them off to the point where they never came back to the dining room …. but I digress.
Those were the things we liked.
What we didn’t like, or moreover were terrified of, were cruise people.
Carnival has a reputation for being a “party cruise” and my husband and I aren’t exactly boat party kind of people. All the pools on the ship were surrounded by this strange slur of pop music DJing, Beyonce dance parties, kids running around unsupervised, and so so so so many cheeseburgers (even though the cheeseburgers were delicious).
I saw a grandmother ‘drop it like it’s hot’ on more than one occasion.
There were a lot of people really, really excited about posed studio portraits with Pirates.
If you’re single, it was a meat market. With or without kids – since they were running amock in herds anyway.
There were several Larry the Cable Guy impersonators on the boat… perhaps accidentally.
I have a playlist of party rallying songs burned into my brain now included but not limited to Like a G6, Poker Face, S&M, Contigo, Party Rock Anthem, I’m Sexy and I Know It and so so so many more. Keep in mind, I actually like pop music so when I say I’ve had too much of it that should give you an idea of the total saturation.
I probably sound very snobby, but that’s because I tend to be a snobby person. 😉 Truthfully, I’m glad these people enjoyed their vacation and if they like to “Shake dat ass” in order to do so… fine with me. That’s why we got a balcony room – so we could get some peace and quiet when we needed it… which was often.
Cruises are engineering feats though. They’re cool to look at, and a very easy, carefree vacation. You know… minus the jet ski part.
I mean no harm or insult to any cruise lovers who enjoy all of the planned activities Carnival provides. For us, it was more a game of “where can we find a quiet section on this boat” than “I can’t wait to go to Club Rio tonight.”
It was though, a fun and relaxing vacation. Minus the Beyonce. Have you ever been cruising and/or terrified of cruise people?