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Year: 2016

The 12 Days of Stressmas

The 12 Days of Stressmas

For the 12 days of Christmas, my Nerd Horse gave to me… 12 Christmas Pug Vines, 11 prose revisions, 10 Tinder creepers, 9 festive light shows, 8 Snapchat filters, 7 MFA apps, 6 cocktail parties, 5 GLASSES OF WINE! 4 work dramas, 3 wild dogs, 2 Thoroughbreds, and a festive Quail Manor house! Though we are not quite up on Christmas yet, I am in my last sprint of productivity for the year. I leave on Thursday afternoon to visit…

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Eighteen Months

Eighteen Months

In a week I’ll turn 32. This time last year, I just wanted my 30th year to be over. I figured no matter what, 31 would be better than 30… and it has been better. Now I apprehensively approach my birthday, and I can’t help thinking that I feel old these days. There is so much behind me at this point, and even more hiding in the blurry future beyond my peripheral. When Tim first died, I thought time would bring…

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Ornamental

Ornamental

My love of equestrian Christmas ornaments is well documented on this blog. Just as it has globally in the second half of this year, horses have taken more of a back seat in my life. I’m more than just an equestrian, and my Christmas tree is more than just horse ornaments (although… it’s mostly horse ornaments). Last year I didn’t even put up a Christmas tree or take a single ornament out of the box. It was an activity I used…

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Fa La La La Dogs

Fa La La La Dogs

Last year I did my best to skip Christmas. While I attended holiday gatherings with my family, my heart wasn’t in it. As a lifelong lover of all things holly jolly, I can’t tell you how weird this was for me. Weird, but understandable. The goal of Christmas 2015 was survival. This year, the stakes are higher. Grief has stolen so much from me that I’m not going to let it take my holiday spirit. I’m not back to my…

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My Thoroughbred Carousel

My Thoroughbred Carousel

For the past several months, horses have taken a huge backseat in my life. This was due to a variety of factors including traveling, weather, and working hard on my grad school applications. If I’m being honest, it’s also due to me needing a break. Buying Roman, although a huge learning experience, wasn’t what I thought it would be. Horses began to be a stress instead of a relief, so I got my trainer and my great barn friends to…

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Adventures with Sleep Apnea II

Adventures with Sleep Apnea II

When I last left you, my doctor had an inkling that I had sleep apnea after months of issues with my tonsils and sleeping. Today I conclude that tale! The night of my actual sleep study, I came home with a small computer around my neck and wires everywhere. There was one around a belt on my chest, one around a belt on my waist, one attached to my index finger and a tube coming from my nostrils. Normally I…

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Adventures in Sleep Apnea I

Adventures in Sleep Apnea I

It wasn’t until a few years ago that I actually learned sleep apnea was a real condition. Tim and I, both heavy snorers, were lying in bed discussing it. “Wait, so you stop breathing in your sleep?” I asked. “Yeah,” he replied. “But like… you start again right?” “Of course. Your body wakes itself up again without being fully awake. You breathe fine, go back to sleep and then it can happen again in a cycle.” “Huh,” I said. “Do…

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Still Thankful

Still Thankful

I haven’t written one of these posts since 2014. I guess last year after everything happened, and my grandmother passed away right before Thanksgiving I could have only written, “NO I WILL NOT BE THANKFUL THANK YOU VERY MUCH 2015.” But really, I was thankful last year even in the thick of things because I knew how much love and support I had coming from all directions. This year, that support has continued. If you take away my struggles moving on…

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Don’t Do That

Don’t Do That

It was bring-your-own if you wanted anything hard, so I brought Johnnie Walker Red along with some resentment I’d held in for a few weeks, which was not helped by the sight of little nameless things pierced with toothpicks on the tables, or by talk that promised to be nothing if not small. But I’d consented to come, and I knew what part of the house their animals would be sequestered, whose company I loved. What else can I say,…

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Thanks

Thanks

I spent the majority of my work day yesterday (don’t tell my boss!) responding to comments via email. There were so many sincere, thoughtful and amazing offers of help and support that I didn’t think a “Thanks!” comment left in response on the blog was enough. I’m still not done sending my replies, but am getting there. After work I went home to let the dogs out. I didn’t feel like riding, but pushed myself out to the barn anyway….

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Help Me if You Can I’m Feeling Down

Help Me if You Can I’m Feeling Down

I’m not trying to be alarmist, but I’ve reached a low point. I can’t put my finger on exactly when it started or even why it has continued this long, but I’m not doing super well at the moment. Okay, that sounds fairly alarming. Let me rephrase to something more like, I’m not doing great and thought I’d be feeling a lot better by now. Maybe it’s something to do with the holidays coming up and the results of the…

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Dog Mountain

Dog Mountain

There are few perfect places on earth. I’ve had a lot of perfect moments in my life, sometimes in places exotic and beautiful and sometimes not. Standing on Charles’ Bridge in Prague for the first time in my life, when I was eighteen and idealistic and didn’t know enough to know I was untroubled, was a perfect moment. Driving to the beach at 3am with my friends home from college, and splashing in the ocean with frigid white foam spraying…

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