Ever since I decided to stop wearing my wedding rings, I’ve been wondering what to do with them. It seems like an easy enough problem, but I’m having a hard time figuring out what to do. Part of this has to do with paperwork. After Tim gave me my engagement ring, it took him less than 24 hours to ask me if I wanted to know how much he spent on it. “NO! Why would I want to know that?”…
Last weekend, I traveled to Southern California for my best friend’s wedding. It was both my first wedding without Tim, and the most I’ve danced in my entire life. I’d be lying if I said I was quivering with excitement for this event. Logistically, I’ve been running around like a crazy person all month. The day I got back from North Carolina I had my estate court date, and two days after that I got up at 3:45am central to…
Things need not have happened to be true. Tales and dreams are the shadow-truths that will endure when mere facts are dust and ashes, and forgot. – Neil Gaimon If I wanted to, I could write this post super quickly. I’d say, “Remember what I said at three months? I take everything back.” I think it was a combination putting BT down and getting the toxicology results, but I was pretty wrecked for a few weeks. I had no motivation to do anything, and…
We’ve got five years, stuck on my eyes We’ve got five years, what a surprise We’ve got five years, my brain hurts a lot We’ve got five years, that’s all we’ve got – “Five Years” by David Bowie Tomorrow is the five year anniversary of the best day. My only regret is that there doesn’t seem to be a picture of Tim’s groom cake, a vegan blue Doctor Who Tardis. As for the marriage and wedding stuff? I’d do that…
As I’m sure you can imagine, I talk about horses a lot. My late husband, like most horse husbands, was subjected to his fair share of pony talk. Sometimes when I would start to rattle off about a lesson or horse show coming up, he would interrupt me with a straight face. “Wait a second – do you like ponies or hate ponies? I can never keep it straight.” Even though he did this often, it always made me smile….
The math indicated that they’d embrace in another world, if at all, like parallel lines. Or merely appear kindred and close, like stars. “John & Mary” by Stephen Dunn Leading up to the one month and the two month post, I felt like I knew what I wanted to say fairly clearly. Now time passes in ways I don’t always understand, and things are more jumbled. They’re not worse or even all that bad at times, but they are confusing. I’ve…
Sometimes when I am doing something innocuous like running an errand or cleaning my house, a simplistic mantra comes to me as easy as breathing does. My husband is dead. I found him. He is not coming back. This is my life now. The moments when I repeat this to myself are never emotional, teary ones. It’s as if my brain is reminding itself of this predicament. It feels like I’m living in an alternate universe, and I have to remind myself…
It’s been two and half months since Tim died. I bet you’re thinking, “So nice that life is settling down for Lauren right now and she has a chance to heal emotionally.” NOPE. Now I’m no newbie to the internet, and rule #1 is never write about legal details until the dust has settled and everything is complete. So I won’t be updating you on my rawr status, but rest assured an epic post of “Wow those were some shenanigans” will…