Six years ago tomorrow, I got engaged. We traveled a lot when we lived in New England. It was new territory to explore, and everything was so close that six hours in the car could get you somewhere new and exciting. When Tim pitched a weekend getaway in St. Johnsbury, VT my suspicions were aroused. I had desperately wanted to be engaged since we moved to MA a year earlier, but Tim always said that marriage didn’t make sense to him….
I’ve been having crazy dreams lately. This isn’t a new thing for me in life as I’ve always been a bit of a dreamer. As a kid, I had a recurring dream where I was hanging out with a group of cool, older kids on a road trip to go see a killer whale in an aquarium. I would always wake up right before I got to swim in the tank with the orca and fulfill my life dream. After…
Tomorrow will be one month. I know the saying “time flies” is something that everyone is aware of, but I’m not sure I can describe to you how much this past month has been a blur. Initially, I feel like I was being led through it by my family and friends. I guess I was, because if they weren’t here I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have gotten out of bed or eaten or planned a proper memorial for my husband….
The morning of the memorial I didn’t want to get out of bed. People flew in from around the country to remember my husband and support me, but I didn’t want to face it. I had previously picked out a funeral home based off of online reviews and the kind face of a white haired man who had been in the business for 60 something years. He was gentle, and he didn’t try to upsell me anything. I knew he would…
Social media is a funny thing in situations like these. For the first few days after Tim’s passing, it was pretty much radio silence through my typical social media channels. There were a lot of calls to make, and I didn’t want anyone in the inner circle to find out through a Facebook post. I’m sure I missed some people, but I tried to keep the news as personal as possible. By day two of telling people, “personal” ended up…
I write this blog for a lot of reasons, admittedly some of them selfish, but I knew posting about Tim’s death would be something I needed to do for myself. I did not expect the sheer amount of condolences, support and love I received from it yesterday. My phone, e-mail and Facebook blew up for hours and hours and hours. I cried a lot over all your comments and well wishes, because part of me is mourning the fact that…
I’ve used the term heart broken before many times. I’ve probably used it on this blog, but I never knew why this phrase entered into the English language until now. There is a physical, dull ache in my heart. It feels like a hole that will never be full again. It feels like I’m being ripped apart at times, and numb to everything at others. It feels that way because my husband is dead. About two weeks ago, I enjoyed…