Grateful & Stressing

Grateful & Stressing

We are four days past “Simon tries to die 2014” and things are pretty much back to normal.  He ate small amounts of grain and hay over the weekend, and the goal today is to get him back to his normal eating schedule.  Since we dumped 30 liters of fluids in him, all his vitals stabilized and he kept looking better and better.

Grazing Saturday
Grazing Saturday

I’m very thankful my horse is alive.  I don’t claim to have “seen everything” with horses, but I’ve never seen a horse get so sick so quickly with pretty much no answers as to why.  Doesn’t really matter since he’s healthy now, hopefully he will stay that way.

You can see how beat up he got from the stall thrasing and the IV
You can see how beat up he got from the stall thrasing and the IV

I love my horse, and I love him whether I can ride him or not.  Things could have been much worse last week.  That being said, I can’t shake the feeling that the universe is kicking me while I’m down.  The day before Simon got sick, I made an appointment with the sports medicine vet near College Station.  Now I’m calling today at lunch to cancel that appointment.

Though  I think the vets did an excellent job and charged me fairly, turns out there are a lot of things to do to your horse when he’s trying to die and nobody knows why.  My vet bill was not small.  Plus, I’m not sure throwing him on a hot trailer for a 4 hour round trip so soon after this is a good thing.  So the answers I had hoped I was going to get are being postponed.

Dropped some weight, but not too bad
Dropped some weight, but not too bad

At first I thought I would just go with what my local vet said, but my trainer thinks taking him to the sports medicine vet is the best thing.  Deep down, I know she’s right… but running the numbers makes me sick to my stomach.  I was so close to being out of debt, and all of this has set me back months and months.

For now, the plan is to wait until after Labor day when I come back from vacation to make the call on whether he goes or not.  Maybe three weeks off, an expensive mystery sickness, and re-balancing all his feet will magically cure him.  I’m not optimistic.  Most likely I’ll make a new appointment with the sports vet in early September.

I know things could be worse, I really do… but I am just so frustrated.  When I think about it all, I start to cry unless I quickly distract myself with puppies/chocolate/awful True Blood finale.  Hopefully I’ll have some amazing moments with Simon in the future, and I’ll look back and realize it was all worth it.  Right now, I’m having a hard time seeing that.

33 thoughts on “Grateful & Stressing

  1. I truthfully have a hard time wrapping my brain around what you’ve been through- it sounds like a nightmare, and I’m glad it seems to be on the right track again. Here’s hoping you are able to get answers without spending boat loads of moola.

  2. I’m so glad he’s feeling better, I can’t imagine how scary that was! Vet bills are no easy thing though so I’m sorry you’re getting stuck with more of them. You’re a great owner though and I can tell how much you love Simon. I know you’ll do what is right for both of you. *hugs*

  3. So glad to see Simon bouncing back from mystery illness. Horses can definitely be a trial by fire at times. I hope you can get answers from a sports medicine vet when you do finally get to take him.

  4. This post makes me so sad for you. 🙁 It’s so clear how much you love Simon, and making these decisions simply sucks. While not the same situation, I’ve been in (several!) similar ones in the past few years. It’s never easy, never fun, and makes you question what the hell the world is doing to you and why. Horses really love to break our hearts!

    For what it’s worth (probably not much!) I think your decision to leave it a few weeks is perfect. And you never do know; time is a great healer, and maybe this is his (stressful and scary) way of saying its vacay time. My one horse did something sorta similar… Acting just a little weird, nothing you could put your finger on, until it all just blew up one day. But he came back better than ever before. I feel strongly that “better than ever” is in your and Simon’s future.

    For now, hugs and positive vibes being sent in your direction. Keep us posted.

  5. Big hugs girl – I freak out when anything minor happens so I can only imagine your stress right now.

    Right now I think you need to focus on bringing Simon to his 100% health status. Worry about the lameness and sports therapist later. Right now not only is Simons health important – but so is yours. He needs you and you can only be there for him if you are feeling healthy and happy too. You two have each other to lean on through this ordeal. If you are strong for him it will help him recover…and when he recovers he will be strong for you, to figure out the other issues.

    Try and monitor your mental health, keep things positive and stay busy. This is just an ugly bump in the road – clear skies are coming…just keep focused on the future and how great it will be when you are both feeling 100% again.

  6. so sorry hon 🙁 what a roller coaster – yay he’s better, but wow those bills tho… i second irene’s post: taking a few weeks off to enjoy vacation and his return to health sound wise. good luck!

  7. Hugs. I know the last few days have been super-stressful. Give yourself some recovery time too, and then decide where to go from there. Deep breath… and be as good to yourself as you are to your horse.

  8. I can’t image what you are going through. I hate that I don’t have an endless checkbook to do what I want when I want, especially when something unpreventable comes up (mystery illness) either. It would be very frustrating to me too! Waiting a few more weeks I guess won’t hurt anything, just frustrating to not have an answer now…

  9. My sympathies are with you. I just got finished up with a nice vet bill myself after Emma was hospitalized in late July. She ended up having a tick borne disease called Ehrlichia. Symptoms started with her legs swelling like tree trunks and then a raging fever that required IV Fluids and round the clock care. She was lethargic and her liver went to scary scary levels. She’s back to work now but started out missing her changes pretty consistently and feeling “weak” behind when I was riding her. We started her on Previcox and it’s improved drastically. She comes off it in 30-90 days depending on how the swelling does (she’s still stocking up in the stall, which she didn’t do before the illness). So I’m not sure if any of those symptoms match Simon’s, but those tick borne things can be SCARY and lethal. Previcox + some stuff called Cur-Ost (I can send you a link to it if you want) has been like a miracle cure. Having dealt with the hind-end lameness woes for the past 7 years I can totally relate to how crippling it is to one’s morale. 🙁

  10. I’m glad Simon is feeling better from his mystery illness. I would totally be waiting a bit before more vet call outs too. Fingers crossed a little vacation is just what you both need. No awesome financial advice here…just try to remember this is just a short term setback in the big picture (and for a good cause!)

  11. Pretty sure the universe specializes in kicking us while we’re down. That’s what friends and ice cream and netflix are for. Big hugs for you (or not, if you’re not a hugging person) and hang in there.

  12. Oh wow, Lauren, I am so sorry all of this happened, but glad Simon is on the mend. Having just came through a couple of years of credit card debt myself due to unemployment, all I can say is that’s why we have them, and you CAN still dig out from it. The alternative is not being able to pay for something like this, which is out of the question. Glad to see Simon on the mend!

  13. I’m glad he’s getting better and better every day. I love the video. And yes, paying off your debt should be a priority and you’ve done an awesome job so far… But think about it this way too. You can’t take it with you right?! So why not do with it the things that you love. <3 And that comes from a broke college graduate with a mound of debt from an ex-boyfriend as well as school. 🙂

  14. So sorry this has been happening to you! 🙁 Lots of love coming your way. There are no easy answers, but I’m sure you’ll make the right decisions for Simon and for yourself.

  15. Hugs to you. Horses are hard, especially when you try to be financially responsible! And I totally understand you being sad/frustrated. I’m right there with you!

  16. HUGE HUGS TO YOU! The important thing is that Simon is no longer trying to die. You are an awesome, awesome horse mom and always put his best interest first, even if it means shelving your own plans and hopes. Horses teach us to be humble and selfless! You WILL be able to pay off all your vet bills, and when the time is right you’ll be able to diagnose his funny lameness issue. But right now, keep on keepin’ on and get your boy back on track first. He’s worth it. And you’re doing all the right things.

  17. Take it one step at a time. There is nothing more stressful than not having answers and you keep getting thrown things without any 🙁 Horses are heart breaking but I can’t help but feel it just has to get better from here.

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