Last time I wrote about the voice, I wrote about how I have attempted to squash the feelings of self doubt when it comes to my weight and riding. I’ve worked hard to keep those negative feelings at bay when it comes to riding, but life outside of the barn is an entirely different story. Let me tell you, there’s nothing like being suddenly abruptly single for the first time in almost a decade and then looking at yourself in…
The math indicated that they’d embrace in another world, if at all, like parallel lines. Or merely appear kindred and close, like stars. “John & Mary” by Stephen Dunn Leading up to the one month and the two month post, I felt like I knew what I wanted to say fairly clearly. Now time passes in ways I don’t always understand, and things are more jumbled. They’re not worse or even all that bad at times, but they are confusing. I’ve…
I hear “one day at a time”, “one minute at a time” and “keep putting one foot in front of the other” very often. It’s one of those obnoxiously cliche things to say that is both annoying to hear but also extremely accurate. With something like this, sometimes it really is the only way to go forward. For me, the saying has morphed into something more like “stride by stride.” All my life I’ve been very conscious that I’m the…
Tim always loved bully dogs. I think dating me with Eliot made him want a dog that would be “his”, and I of course love all animals and want to have enough pairs for my own ark… so I was always pro Tim getting a dog. The type of dogs he wanted though? Not so much. He wanted a mastiff or Saint Bernard or Pitt Bull… something large with jowls and tons of drool. I have a ton of tolerance…
Sometimes when I am doing something innocuous like running an errand or cleaning my house, a simplistic mantra comes to me as easy as breathing does. My husband is dead. I found him. He is not coming back. This is my life now. The moments when I repeat this to myself are never emotional, teary ones. It’s as if my brain is reminding itself of this predicament. It feels like I’m living in an alternate universe, and I have to remind myself…
If I had words to make a day for you, I’d sing you a morning golden and new. I would make this day last for all time – Give you a night deep in moonshine. – Scott Fitzgerald I wish I could write about how happy Simon was when I rode him the other night. We just walked around mostly, a mix of floppy reins and bending/collection. The little trot we did do felt nice and sound, so I am…
It’s been two and half months since Tim died. I bet you’re thinking, “So nice that life is settling down for Lauren right now and she has a chance to heal emotionally.” NOPE. Now I’m no newbie to the internet, and rule #1 is never write about legal details until the dust has settled and everything is complete. So I won’t be updating you on my rawr status, but rest assured an epic post of “Wow those were some shenanigans” will…
I’ve always been fascinated by the juxtapositions I find in life. Right now, my reality is filled with them. They bring me humor, delight and a sense that the universe really does have a greater plan… even if that plan is super shitty at times. My mailbox is an almost constant state of juxtaposition. While I was never a big mail checker in the past, now the daily walk with the dogs to my mailbox is filled with questions like, “Wonder…