Making a Big Change

Making a Big Change

My brain is a difficult and confusing place. See, I hate change. So scary! It’s a need for the illusion of control that makes me less prone to rattle things up. The devil you know, right? But on the flip side, I love the way a big, sweeping change can feel like a fresh start. Whether it’s a new week or a new year, I’m apt to rally momentum around a new beginning. The fear of change is one a…

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My Pandemic Year in Photos

My Pandemic Year in Photos

I remember sitting in my therapist’s office in the before times. It was around the middle of March, the last appointment I had with her in-person, and the pandemic was just starting to ramp up. “I wanted to check in with you about Covid19, and see how you were feeling. I know some of my clients have a lot of anxiety about getting sick.” The only sickness I thought much about back then was Pascale’s cancer, and doing everything I…

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Embracing My Natural State as a Judgy B

Embracing My Natural State as a Judgy B

People watching is one of my favorite ways to pass the time. Horse showing, as we all well know, is one of my favorite activities. Since my nerves can be… challenging… sometimes I prefer to be at the actual horse show more than I want to be riding in it. And, though it is not a great character trait, I love judging people. You can probably guess where I’ve been doing with all this. In the past year, I’ve been…

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My Beautiful Golden Retriever

My Beautiful Golden Retriever

The way I see it, one of the best ways to cope with the ghosts on my blog is to share the living characters. And of course, that includes Lucie. I’ve barely written anything on the “junior emotional support intern” puppy I got a little over a month before Pascale died. Admittedly, it was a strange time to get a dog. My heart was so shattered by Pascale’s cancer diagnosis. In my adult life I’ve taken on 3 very different…

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I’ve Been Afraid of My Own Blog

I’ve Been Afraid of My Own Blog

Well y’all, it’s been a minute. The other day I chatted with L when she made a comment about her blog hitting a ten year anniversary milestone. That number seemed crazy to me. Ten years?! Ten years we’ve been writing about our horses? Surely I hadn’t reached that. But I looked, and I had. I started SMTT in 2010, though it had scattered posts back then. Still, technically I was at ten years. Eleven, really. There are a lot of…

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Baby Po’s First Horse Show

Baby Po’s First Horse Show

With how crazy and sad this year has been, I’ve been actively searching for things to look forward to so I don’t totally slump into a massive depression (you know, more than I already am). Since I brought Po home to Texas last summer, he hasn’t stepped foot off the property. I’ve been meaning to find a show to take him to to hang out with no expectations, but his feet were either not doing well or I felt poor…

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Five Years

Five Years

I’ve had it with being a professional griever. Five years ago today, my husband Tim died. In case you’re a new reader, it wasn’t expected or peaceful or anything like a Nicholas Spark’s novel. It was a raw, real drug overdose. I found him. I called 911, and did the chest compressions even though the second I touched him, I knew. In the five years following that it’s almost comical the things that I’ve lost. All of the three dogs…

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The New Status Quo

The New Status Quo

Are we on month 3 or 300 of covid life? It’s hard for me to keep track. My life is divided into segments now. Corporate job, Plaid Horse job, the never-ending task of feeding myself (so. much. cooking.), social distancing friendship and of course—the barn. And the barn looks a lot different now. I was put on part-time hours for my corporate job about three weeks ago now, which means that all of Poet’s training rides and lessons stopped. Ordinarily…

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