There are more good days than bad days now. Initially it felt like my personal role in life from here on out was to honor Tim in every way. In the back of my mind with every decision was the question, “What would he have wanted?” For many questions, this was the right thing to ask myself. As time goes on though I realize that the sadness of death is in the lives of those still living. Tim is fine now….
I have a friend (who’s witty comments can even be found on this blog) who’s been a postcard aficionado ever since I’ve known her. In one of my “binder of important things” I have a postcard she sent me from Singapore complete with a Tuk Tuk illustration she drew on the back. When my life first started falling apart, my friend would send me the most perfect postcards in the mail. She had this uncanny ability to send a simple 4″x6″ piece of paper…
A surprise bonus of this weekend was being able to stop by the brand new Tryon Equestrian Center in western North Carolina. I stayed with family in the NC foothills on Thursday evening, and when my aunt suggested we stroll over to the horse show in the morning I certainly did not argue! Having been to WEF many times, I wasn’t sure what I would think of Tryon. It’s built by the exact same people and those familiar with PBIEC…
When you’re a young widow, you need different kinds of friends. You need the people that have known you since you were a little kid – the Lauren that existed years before “Lauren and Tim” were a thing. These friends still think of you as “Upton” instead of “Mauldin”. They’re a little pissed at everything your husband put you through, even though they did like and him and miss him in their own way. These friends remind me of the…
Ever since Tim died, I knew that I wanted to give myself some kind of physical reward for making it through this process mostly intact. I’m not above self bribery at all, and there have been many a day where I’ve woken up thinking something like, “I will get out of bed today even though I won’t want to and someday this will all be worth it.” Of course, getting up every day is worth it regardless of any happy I could…
If I was looking at my situation (aka desire to do the hunters) from an entirely objective stand point, it would be time to sell my horse. Your mind may have just screeched to a halt reading that sentence, but you can relax. This is the horse that has helped me accomplish so many of my dreams. He’s the horse I can hop on and jump bridleless if I’ve had a tough day at work and need a fun release. I…
This Thursday I am flying to North Carolina so I can gather with friends to spread Tim’s ashes in the mountains as a more final farewell. I am looking forward to this weekend like someone looks forward to their execution. I know I’ll feel better after it’s done, but I don’t want to have to be there and I don’t want to have to do this. What does that have to do with a horse show? I’ve been getting through…
My weekend of showing has come and gone. I’m sitting at home with a light sunburn, a mild headache and a lot of feels. Then again, when don’t I have a lot of feelings? When I came back from the San Antonio show in February, I was exploding with happiness and hope. My feelings as I write this blog post tonight are quite a bit more complicated and a lot less positive. I’ve decided to break up this show report into…