The Poop To Do List

The Poop To Do List

My new word is poop. Everything is poop. I have settled on poop because it’s more socially acceptable than me dropping the f bomb every other sentence. Plus, I’ve never written a blog title with overt obscenities in the title so I’m trying to hold on to that little shred of dignity.

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On top of all the grief, having your husband die is a giant pain in the ass.

When you have lived with someone for over seven years, life gets pretty intertwined. Sorting all that out is a logistical nightmare in a divorce situation, but it seems harder with death. Everything needs formal documentation and a death certificate. That shouldn’t be a big deal, but I can’t get an official death certificate until I get the toxicology report… which takes 30-90 days.

Don’t let CSI or any of those crime shows fool you. Shit. Takes. Forever. Even though my house has been fully documented as a crime scene, I do not get any expediting on these results. Poop.

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I’m doing what I can now, but every time I sit and think there are more things to do.

Early on the list was cancelling the Europe trip. We were supposed to leave this Saturday. By some stroke of dumb luck, I managed to buy trip insurance for the first time ever. Hotels.com was amazing to work with, and got 60% of my hotel rooms refunded for me even though I bought the discount “non-refundable” fee. American Airlines refunded miles for a fee, and returned the massive amount of miles to his Advantage account. I then had to figure out a way to cash them out for gift cards as soon as possible, because even though I inherit his debt that helped accrue these miles (thanks Texas) I don’t inherit the miles themselves. Poop.

Cross your fingers they don’t figure things out before I receive my stack of Target gift cards.

I also need to move. Everyone is all, “Don’t make hasty decisions! Take your time!” but that’s not my reality right now. My reality is that I live in a house I can’t afford on my own, and one that has a lot of bad memories in it. I want to be out of here as soon as possible, which means finding an apartment (I have great help/resources for this thank god) and getting rid of so many things.

Some of the things are easy to get rid of, like a food dehydrator. I have 0 emotional attachment to a food dehydrator. Other things are much harder. Poop.

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I can’t even get his Google account turned off without several forms of scanned formal documentation (including death certificate), and he still shows up as Online & Available despite me reporting the account as deceased several days ago. A friend even mentioned something got shared on his Google Plus page somehow. Poop. Poop. Poop.

Life right now is kind of like a horse show – hurry up and wait, only a lot less fun.

43 thoughts on “The Poop To Do List

  1. That’s a lot of poop. I can only imagine how difficult it must be emotionally and logistically to deal with so much poop.

  2. Not to add to your poop list, but can you find an apartment that will let you have 3 dogs? I’m sorry you have to deal with all this – I’ve always said its insanely unfair the number of decisions a grieving person has to make!

  3. Could it get any poopier??
    I’m so sorry. I feel like I say that over and over again, but it just doesn’t express the depths of my sympathy? Sorrow? There is not a good word for the way I feel…

  4. I admire your ability to sensor yourself. I’d be f bombing all over the interwebs in your position. Sending a virtual shovel to deal with all that poo.

  5. Poop all over the place. If you need someone to yell at people over the phone, let me know. Or if you need a virtual assistant to go through stuff. Or anything else you need to start getting rid of the metaphorical manure.

  6. Having helped my mom (mostly moral support) deal with the many legal issues of her parents dying, I am so sorry you have to deal with all that. Because while grieving people are totally thinking their sharpest. Keep using all your resources and suppoet around you. It’s still a one day at a time game.

  7. I went through some of this when Dad died last year and it is 100% poop. The last thing you want to do is sort through things that only remind you of what happened. If you need to talk through anything, let me know. I agree with you on the moving bit. I’d be right there with you.

  8. Lauren, you absolutely amaze me with your ability to deal.

    (And — I feel like what is my excuse for not having my *poop* together half as much as you do, so… thanks for keeping the bar high. )

    Continued love and support from all corners of the interwebs. If you end up heading back to NC for any reason (I’m on the Outer Banks) please let me know. I’d love to meet up and share some encouragement in person. 😀 [driftwoodranch(at)earthlink(dot)net]

  9. What a nightmare. I hope that everyone you have to deal with on these issues treat you with kindness and understanding. Poop indeed.

  10. I went through this with my dad a few years back, though I doubt it was as heart-wrenching as what you’re dealing with. I just want to say to make sure you surround yourself with people you love and who love you when you deal with your poop list. There were times I would’ve just crumbled into nothing but sadness if I didn’t have my brothers to help me.
    I’m thinking about you and hoping that you’re getting comfort from the love of your family, friends, puppies, and pony. <3

  11. Let the foul language fly and if the air turns blue as a result, believe me, we all certainly understand. I’m sure there are things, times and days when the only word that truly covers it is the F-bomb. Bombs away!!!

    I would almost imagine that sorting thru things after a death would be far easier than a divorce. Two years in and there’s not much settled in our case. At least with a death, the other side isn’t fighting back. Death is and has a certain end (albeit in some cases it is rather unexpected), where divorce keeps dragging on. Especially when there are kids are involved.

  12. There are not enough muck buckets in the world for all of it. My little tidbit for you is to consider getting multiple death certificates in case there are places not of this century that will require you to send an original. When my Dad died (ok it was 30 years ago) we literally got & used around 25 copies. I would certainly not expect you to need near that many but one will probably not be enough. Poop indeed.

  13. I am glad that you can find a place for you and your dogs. Changing your address sounds like a really good way to reduce poop.

  14. So poop. Very poop. Much poop. Wow.

    In all seriousness … this shit sucks and I am sorry. Maybe I can do something to help – I’ll be in Austin in the nearish future for work, so maybe I can help carry things or bring you ice cream or something.

  15. That really sucks and I am so sorry. Moving might be helpful for you. We lived in the house my dad died in for close to 2 years after the fact and it was really hard. A fresh home (even if it’s smaller) might be refreshing and help you heal. Thinking about you, Simon, and the pups.

  16. I am so sorry (again) that you have to deal with all of this. It probably doesn’t help you in any way, but I have shared your story with my husband and told him how very much I love and value him.

    I know it’s a hollow gesture, but it is genuine. When this is all “over,” or at least more manageable, you’d be more than welcome to come use my house as a home base if you’d like to “get away” and visit California again. We like to joke that Bakersfield is two hours away from everything fun. That just means it’s a great home base for seeing a lot of our state. :0)

  17. (((hugs))) I am BRAND new to your blog – a month maybe….I just wanted to give you a hug. . . . hope it won’t be all poop forever. 🙂

  18. As an attorney, I’m always appalled by all of the crap that has to be taken care of when tragedies happen, as if the tragedy wasn’t hard enough. Hang in there, use as many cuss words as needed. Although poop is a good one.

  19. My family has been recently dealing with some of the same sorts of issues and legal issues surrounding our closest family friend’s death, and yeah, it’s horrible. So many things that you don’t consider or think of that you suddenly have to do. I’m sorry.

  20. I love that you are asserting your humor even in the face of deep pain. That poop emoticon is hilarious. I think if you needed to change it up a bit you could even use the word”poopy.” And I don’t blame you one bit for moving. Even though it is a ginormous pain. I wish I lived there because I love helping people purge belongings. I will pray you find an amazing apartment with lovely neighbors and closer to the barn. Still thinking of you.

  21. I came by your blog for the first time in a little while today and could hardly believe what I was reading. I can’t even begin to express both my deep sympathy for what you’ve gone through and my sincere admiration for how you are handling this shock. I know we’ve never met and you sound like you are surrounded by support and love, but I just wanted to say there’s one more random person out here on the internet thinking of you, wishing you well, and sending positive energy in your direction.

  22. I’m still thinking of and praying for you.

    As for the death certificates, you might want to consider ordering more. When my mother died, my brother was told by some authority that he should get a minimum of 25. She was almost 93, had been a housewife all her life, and had nothing. We were surprised they suggested so many. However, there were all kinds of little things that kept popping up for which a DC was needed that we had no idea would require one. It may be that what you ordered will be enough, but I just wanted to let you know what we were told.

    Sending lots of love, thoughts, and prayers as you go through all these very difficult things.

  23. Poop to the extreme, friend. I am so sorry for you and that all the crap you have to deal with is so… much. Damn.

    Virtual hugs, and I think excellent idea to move, whether you actually need to or not. Good luck. Hopefully you inherited something more useful than debt and AAdvantage miles, too. :/

  24. i’m sorry that it’s poopy all round. it’s certainly already a challenge dealing with your husband’s death but then to add all the legal stuff? ugh. i hope that the legal system starts pulling their weight and moving things along for you.

  25. I have heard that rearranging furniture can be helpful after a trauma – something about mixing up the visual cues (another suggestion is a scent plug-in to change the smell of the room, too). I tried it once after we had something awful happen in one of the rooms of our old house, and it did seem to help my anxiety. So sorry you have to deal with all of the paperwork mess. 🙁

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