There are some memes floating around Facebook and the blog-o-sphere right now that I’m going to rely on for today’s post, because I have writer’s block, I haven’t ridden my horse in a week and I’m out of new pony pictures to share.
First we have the “You in 3 fictional characters” meme. Y’all – characters are my favorite. I’ve stopped watching several TV shows because I liked the characters, but they kept making so many dumb choices that I couldn’t handle watching them ruin their lives episode after episode. Plot has always been secondary to me after character development when it comes to my enjoyment of literature, film and television. Anyway, so picking my three characters was a fun challenge. This is what I came up with:
First we have Pam Poovey from Archer, who is a hot mess. Pam is unapologetic for who she is and quite brazen. She’s a little mixed up in life, and makes plenty of mistakes. Often these mistakes are fueled by alcohol. She’s my spirit animal.
Second is Jane Eyre, who is also a hot mess. Jane is all “I love to read and write and teach but I have all these FEELINGS that I don’t know what to do with!” She’s also in love with her hot older employer, but he has a crazy wife that’s hidden in the attic BECAUSE NOTHING IN LIFE CAN EVER BE EASY, CAN IT JANE?!? We relate on a few levels.
Third we have Charlotte from Lost in Translation, who shockingly – is a hot mess. She’s all “Who am I? What do I want in life? What should I do with myself? Can I ever be happy? Will I ever ask a question that has a straight answer?” No you won’t Charlotte, life is a shit show and questions don’t have answers. Charlotte is a lot younger than myself which means that I should have a lot more figured out than her, but instead all I really know is that life is fully of messy, unanswered questions. Life lesson of the day. Boom! You’re welcome.
But Lauren – you said you were going to tell us things we didn’t know about you in this post! Yes, yes I did. Rather than copying the same starter list of questions that I’ve seen on other blogs, I’m going rogue and pulling out random facts for this random Friday. Maybe I’m feeling a little bit manic, or maybe I’ve had too much Diet Coke – you can decide.
Things You (Probably) Don’t Know About Me
When I was a little kid I wanted nothing more in life than to be an Orca trainer at Sea World. I used to hold my breath in the pool to practice getting close to their 4 minute requirement. Alas, I now think whales in captivity is a horrible practice and won’t step within 100 feet of Sea World.
From ages 5 to about 12/13 I was a serious competitive figure skater. I could do all the jumps (and spins) you see on the Olympics, but with less rotations in the air. Think single axel versus double axel, double sow-cow versus triple sow-cow.
When I was a figure skater I wanted nothing more than to have a musical program to the soundtrack of Free Willy (see whales), but my coach wouldn’t let me. I’m still bitter about it.
I also had a recurring dream as a kid that me and the “big kids” were transporting an Orca in the back of a truck to somewhere. A pond? An aquarium? The ocean? Hard to say. I woke up before we got there for five years. I have many unanswered questions about this.
Almost all of my animals have had people names. Lydia, Elvis, Eliot, Beckett (after Samuel Beckett), Claudette (BT’s real name), Simon, Pascale, Romanov. The only exception I can think of is Teaspoon the Draft cross.
I hate almost all fruit. I’m not sure I could get an entire banana down if my life depended on it.
I catfished my 8th grade teacher before people even knew what catfishing was. I will only share the complete version of this story after (multiple) cocktails.
I am a closet Real Time Strategy gamer. Though I don’t play super often, the Age of Empires series, StarCraft and Civilization are my favorites. Tim and I were also in an epic Brazilian clan in Clash of Clans. kkkkkkkkk.
This dog is how I expect to age, and by that I mean beautiful, full of personality and prone to naps.
So there you have it. This post was as erratic as they come and has no ponies or literary value. You’re welcome.