Some Things You (Probably) Don’t Know About Me

Some Things You (Probably) Don’t Know About Me

There are some memes floating around Facebook and the blog-o-sphere right now that I’m going to rely on for today’s post, because I have writer’s block, I haven’t ridden my horse in a week and I’m out of new pony pictures to share.

First we have the “You in 3 fictional characters” meme. Y’all – characters are my favorite. I’ve stopped watching several TV shows because I liked the characters, but they kept making so many dumb choices that I couldn’t handle watching them ruin their lives episode after episode. Plot has always been secondary to me after character development when it comes to my enjoyment of literature, film and television. Anyway, so picking my three characters was a fun challenge. This is what I came up with:

3-fictional-characters

First we have Pam Poovey from Archer, who is a hot mess. Pam is unapologetic for who she is and quite brazen. She’s a little mixed up in life, and makes plenty of mistakes. Often these mistakes are fueled by alcohol. She’s my spirit animal.

Second is Jane Eyre, who is also a hot mess. Jane is all “I love to read and write and teach but I have all these FEELINGS that I don’t know what to do with!” She’s also in love with her hot older employer, but he has a crazy wife that’s hidden in the attic BECAUSE NOTHING IN LIFE CAN EVER BE EASY, CAN IT JANE?!? We relate on a few levels.

Third we have Charlotte from Lost in Translation, who shockingly – is a hot mess. She’s all “Who am I? What do I want in life? What should I do with myself? Can I ever be happy? Will I ever ask a question that has a straight answer?” No you won’t Charlotte, life is a shit show and questions don’t have answers. Charlotte is a lot younger than myself which means that I should have a lot more figured out than her, but instead all I really know is that life is fully of messy, unanswered questions. Life lesson of the day. Boom! You’re welcome.

Wedding snapchat selfie is here to breakup the text
Wedding snapchat selfie is here to breakup the text

But Lauren – you said you were going to tell us things we didn’t know about you in this post! Yes, yes I did. Rather than copying the same starter list of questions that I’ve seen on other blogs, I’m going rogue and pulling out random facts for this random Friday. Maybe I’m feeling a little bit manic, or maybe I’ve had too much Diet Coke – you can decide.

Things You (Probably) Don’t Know About Me

When I was a little kid I wanted nothing more in life than to be an Orca trainer at Sea World. I used to hold my breath in the pool to practice getting close to their 4 minute requirement. Alas, I now think whales in captivity is a horrible practice and won’t step within 100 feet of Sea World.

From ages 5 to about 12/13 I was a serious competitive figure skater. I could do all the jumps (and spins) you see on the Olympics, but with less rotations in the air. Think single axel versus double axel, double sow-cow versus triple sow-cow.

When I was a figure skater I wanted nothing more than to have a musical program to the soundtrack of Free Willy (see whales), but my coach wouldn’t let me. I’m still bitter about it.

I also had a recurring dream as a kid that me and the “big kids” were transporting an Orca in the back of a truck to somewhere. A pond? An aquarium? The ocean? Hard to say. I woke up before we got there for five years. I have many unanswered questions about this.

There are no whales in this picture
There are no whales in this picture

Almost all of my animals have had people names. Lydia, Elvis, Eliot, Beckett (after Samuel Beckett), Claudette (BT’s real name), Simon, Pascale, Romanov. The only exception I can think of is Teaspoon the Draft cross.

I hate almost all fruit. I’m not sure I could get an entire banana down if my life depended on it.

I catfished my 8th grade teacher before people even knew what catfishing was. I will only share the complete version of this story after (multiple) cocktails.

I am a closet Real Time Strategy gamer. Though I don’t play super often, the Age of Empires series, StarCraft and Civilization are my favorites. Tim and I were also in an epic Brazilian clan in Clash of Clans. kkkkkkkkk.

This dog is how I expect to age, and by that I mean beautiful, full of personality and prone to naps.

This is Archie. He is my best friend even though we have never met.
This is Archie. He is my best friend even though we have never met.

So there you have it. This post was as erratic as they come and has no ponies or literary value. You’re welcome.

28 thoughts on “Some Things You (Probably) Don’t Know About Me

  1. I do love a post that ends in you’re welcome! And I plan to buy as many drinks as it takes to hear the catfishing story. #whosetherealOGnow

  2. I wanted to be dolphin trainer when I was in first grade! Showed up to career day in leggings, whistle in hand. I also have had a recurring dream about whales for years. The scenario varies but I am always trying to take pictures of the dolphins/whales but there is something wrong with my camera and the pictures don’t turn out. Priorities.

  3. This is great! I love learning more about my blogger friends. I hope one day you get super drunk and blog that catfishing story….
    In other randomness I was thinking about having a random thoughts post on my blog occasionally. I had all kinds of stupid things happen lately, that seem dumb enough to share but not really full post worthy. Maybe we can hop it if I ever get motivated enough to start it.

  4. I don’t game much but I LOVE Civilization! We would do LAN Civ IV all through high school, and now my husband and I take turns playing until even his gaming desktop chokes under the memory leak in Civ V. Can’t wait for 6!

  5. NEED to know the entire catfishing story. This is more than worth a plane ride to Austin to drink with you. Whale-adjacent, DID YOU KNOW that you can purchase a shark on the internet??

  6. I was the exact same re: training orcas and holding my breath and then falling out of love with it all and wanting nothing to do with SeaWorld later on in life. I even went so far as to email/call all of the seaworlds to check on schooling requirements so I could make sure I was setting up my future correctly lol!

  7. We could have majorly geeked out over orcas and marine biology as kids…identical career goals. I included meticulous management of multiple saltwater tanks, lol….my recurring dream was orcas overflowing from our swimming pool.

    Then as adults we could’ve ugly cried together over Blackfish. I won’t step foot in a marine park either. But happy about the end of the program at SW.

  8. I agree that whales have no place in captivity. Although, I lost my love for orcas when I saw a nature episode where a pod massacred about one hundred narwhal, which was far more than they could eat. The narwhal couldn’t hide because of the melting sea ice. It was so sad. No wonder humpbacks try to interfere.

  9. I have so many thoughts on this post: 1) I like bananas, but I get how they could be gross. I don’t like to buy the little bananas – they have to bigger ones. My husband finds this fact both interesting, and a bit Freudian 😉

    2) Your 3 characters are wonderful! I’m also a bit Charlotte from Lost in Translation.

    3) I’m going to agree with EVERYONE that you have to share the catfishing story!

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