How to Body Clip a Simon

How to Body Clip a Simon

I have body clipped twice in my adult life, which means I’m pretty much an expert.  Thus I present to you this detailed tutorial.

Step 1: Frantically try and find clippers to use on your only good day available to body clip before the show.  Grovel.  Make promises of trading alcohol for clipper use.

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Step 2: Have jumping lesson to “tire horse out” which really tires you out instead.  Jump very large.  Watch lower leg say ‘bye bye’ over anything past 2’9″.  Resolve to do no stirrups until you can no stirrup no more.

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Step 3:  Wash horse.  Make special care to forget to thoroughly scrub area above tail/haunches.  Regret this later.

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Step 4: Wait for horse to dry.

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Step 4b: Watch lessons while you wait for horse to dry.

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Step 4c: Clean cobwebs off front of stall and hang blankets while you wait for horse to dry.

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Step 5: Spray your now dry horse in showsheen.  Realize you sprayed too much showsheen, and wait for horse to dry again.

Step 6: Remove hairs.

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Step 7:  Do not be tempted to do clip designs.  Do not pass go.  Do not collect $200.

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Step 8: Repeat Step 6 x1000000000000.

Step 9: Take lunch break. Decide that a margarita will help motivate you to finish clip job.

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Step 10: The Margarita was a terrible mistake.

Step 11: Go back to barn. Realize your face & leg clippers are busted, and only clip at the closest setting.  Scalp some of your horse’s check with a skin close cut.  Trim legs remarkably close.

Step 12: Forget to untie a cross tie when you go to twitch horse. Commence freakout.  Break crosstie and hurt yet another finger.

Step 13: Turn out horse to admire clip job.

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Step 14: Realize your horse needs a sheet now that he’s hairless.  Chase horse around pasture to put sheet on.  Watch horse laugh at you.

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Step 15: Say goodnight to horse.  Go home and drink wine after 8 hours at the barn.

37 thoughts on “How to Body Clip a Simon

  1. Lookin good! Love the last pic, he’s so cute,
    (Also your clipping story closely resembles my approach to pretty much everything in life 🙂

  2. Man… Quite an adventure. I try to only clip when I’m prepared but it helps that I keep my clippers at home so blades and clippers aren’t used without permission.

  3. That sounds pretty accurate! The only difference is that I scrubbed like crazy on the butt and still it was full of dirt and hard to clip. 🙂

  4. He is sooooo handsome! Nice job on the clip, he looks great.

    Sounds about like my clipping experiences, lol. So much fun. You did forget the part about “spend time from first clipped patch of hair itching self like crazy; go home at end of clip, shower immediately, find hairs in areas unfit for retelling.” Worst part of clipping.

  5. I clipped this morning. A very, very sloppy blanket clip LOL I didn’t bother to wrestle with his legs or face. We’re not showing anywhere until probably Feb, it’ll even out by then, right? 😉

  6. loving step 2 – awesome job! and yea, you might need a few repetitions of 15 after all that lol. hope your finger feels better soon!

  7. Hahaha sorry, I loved your blow-by-blow recap post. I also think I “know” the Captain Smirnoff horse from the photo, unless it is a photo taken by your good self. I used to frequent an Irish online forum/message board for horse mad peeps like ourselves and one of the other girls who use dot had a cool cob that she used to stencil his name on his butt just like that ☺

  8. How to not clip horse:

    1. Don’t own clippers.
    2. Don’t clip horse.
    3. Leave happily to get margs with all your extra time from not clipping horse.

    😉 😉 😉

  9. This was me trying to clip Gracie today. Husband twitching horse with his big man hands + 3 mls of oral ace (which is 10x stronger than injectable ace or thereabouts) and horse still striking out with both front feet anytime clippers came near her right shoulder/right side of neck/right side of chest. And then discover that ALL SIX OF MY BLADES ARE DULL!!! *cue major freakout of my own.* End result? A really shitty bib clip that resembles corduroy. Yay new trend? I’ll stick with yay new trend!

  10. This sounds just like my clipping adventure too!! Apollo isn’t as well clipped as Simon, though … It’s been 25 years or so since the last time I clipped,

  11. A margarita! THAT’s my problem… I didn’t drink one! Although, if I had, it probably would have had horse hairs in it. Glad you got it done.

  12. There was a horse at my last barn whose owner desired to put a cute little graphic on his butt when clipping. Then the hair grew out and the seasons changed. And the graphic NEVER WENT AWAY. The hair around that area is permanently screwed up and it grows in perpetually still showing that little graphic.

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