My entire life I’ve wanted to be able to talk to animals. I’m sure I’m not the only blogger who feels that way, but being able to speak with my menagerie has been towards the top of my superhero wishlist for a long, long time. Since I haven’t been bit by a radioactive spider or struck by lightning recently, I’ve found other ways to fulfill my Dr. Dolittle dreams.

It all started with a stuffed lobster dog toy that Tim gave puppy Eliot. We were sitting in Tim’s living room playing with Eliot and his new toy, and jokingly called it a “Wobster” instead of a lobster. Because Tim and I were incredibly goofy together, the Wobster turned into an entire dialect for Eliot in a matter of days. Don’t ask me how my South Carolina English Springer Spaniel that was born in a trailer ended up with a prissy boy accent with busted L’s and R’s, but that happened.

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Some of Eliot’s catch phrases include:

My name is Ewiot and I am a mawine biowogist. I study wobsters and fwogs.

I just weawwy weawwy wuv my mom, okay?

Never fear – BT had her accent too. I am not proud to say that she spoke in a stereotypical Mexican accent… for no apparent reason. It just seemed to fit. She was a fesity, angry little dog with a voice to prove it. BT routinely called me a “Stupid beetch” She only had eyes for her “Teimmy” and we spoke to her in this ridiculous voice so much that she didn’t learn to “Sit” but rather would “Seeeeeit”.

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Pascale is a southern princess. I don’t do the Texas accent well, but I’ve got the southeast/deep south nailed. She’ll waggle up to you and greet herself in a saccharine, southern drawl.

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I’m just a simple girl from Manor y’all. My momma says I’m a pretty little panther lady.

Because Tim and I were incredibly goofy people, we had conversations between us and the dogs in their prospective voices a lot. It was a silly, fun part of my family unit and something I keep up even without him now.

I had Roman less than a week before I decided what his voice would be. Part of it has to do with the show name I picked for him, Romanov, but I’ve decided he speaks like a middle aged, slightly angry Russian man.

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I do not care much for your Texas and your heat.

There’s one animal that I haven’t been able to figure out a voice for, and that is my most beloved nerd horse Simon. Why I can’t escapes me. He’s the most personal horse I’ve ever had. I know him as well as I know a close friend, yet I can’t figure out how he talks. At this point, I’ve almost decided he might be a mute.

I mean, that face says it all right?
I mean, that face says it all right?

Am I the only person in the blog-o-sphere that makes up voices for their animals?

33 COMMENTS

  1. You’re not the only one! Even though Ax was born here in the US, I think he talks like a dopey child with a german accent.

    “Valk? I valking, mahm.” “No valk, I vant to cahnter.”

  2. All of our school horses have voices! Hobby was imported from France and demands 90% perfection before doing anything.

    “What was zhat? You expect me to cantair from zhat aid? I sink not!”

    Beau demands 95% perfection, so obviously he’s a Russian ballet instructor.

    “And one and two and three and four…if you cannot keep rhythm, I will not even consider jumping that oxer.”

  3. All three of my boys have voices, although my horse is the least developed and therefore the least “vocal” – it’s like I hear him in my head and in my heart so I can’t quite speak a lot in his voice.

    But my dogs, oh man, it’s on! My little dog mostly speaks in curse words and my big dog talks about everything under the sun. They crack me up.

  4. OMG I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE!!! Max has a very distinct voice, a mishmash of a bunch of different accents. He is a simple little soul. Catchphrases include: “I love dese warms. Warms is de best.” (when lounging by the roaring fireplace) “Oh… well I dunno. I never thot about dat before.” (when asked a philosophical question), “I see you haz some food dere. Can I haz dat food?” and “Oh Misser Stuffy. I loves you. You are de bestest Misser Stuffy in all the land.” (when playing with his favorite toy)

    Does anyone else name their dogs’ toys??

    Dino sometimes sounds a little like Max, only way, way smarter. But mostly I ‘hear’ him in my heart so he doesn’t have a very distinct, audible voice.

  5. My puppy dog has a voice all of his own. And it pretty much just always sounds like an irritated child who calls his own mother (me) a bitch, A LOT.

    Strangely, Gavin doesn’t have a voice at all either. I see him, I connect with him, but he’s a mute, just like your Simon.

  6. I am not great at voices/accents so maybe that’s why I don’t often do this to my own animals (this doesn’t preclude me from speaking TO them in ridiculous voices, however). I am more on the each one has a thousand names and counting train…and I enjoy poking fun at them for their actual sounds/mannerisms.

    But I have plenty of friends whose fur babies have their own “voices” and I think it is hilarious! I love it!

  7. Glad to know we’re not the only ones! Love all of the dogs & Romanov as a slightly grumpy Russian man. 🙂

    We made up voices for all 4 cats, both dogs & Doug the lizard. Ozzie has a goofy lisp, The Dude has a high squeaky voice, Cocoa is a gruff old lady, Serena is a delicate flower & Doug has a sling blade southern drawl. Duke is pretty sarcastic, while Maggie went from worried princess to tough chick depending on the circumstance. Not totally sure of Relic’s voice yet, but it’s been less than 2 weeks. So far he’s the cuddliest happiest border collie ever, kind of an ADHD bumblebee. 🙂

  8. This is amazing, and I am so glad that I’m not the only one who does this. I like to think that Yankee is a gay latino man. 1) he’s WAY in to geldings 2) he just has that pizzaz and sassiness. Bacardi would be the dumb jock or spoiled frat boy hahaha.

    I do not care for your texas heat. HILARIOUS

  9. “I’m a pretty little panther dog” LOL!!

    I honestly don’t have much of a “voice” for the horses, but our dogs do have ‘voices’ and certain phrases.

  10. My animals all have little catch phrases too. Miles’s is “MA! THE MEATLOAF!” from Wedding Crashers. Sometimes he just gets this look in his eye, like ‘really, c’mon lady’ and I just imagine him being kind of an outspoken loudmouth.

    For Rocky, it really depends on the situation. But I often speak for him, especially whenever someone comes in the door. He’s always so excited! Haha

  11. I can’t do accents well, but Fred and the cats definitely all have their own little voices and sayings. Never done it with the horses… I always joke around about what I think they are thinking in their head, but never put an actual voice to it. Now that you mention it, I’m not sure I could come up with one for Prince either.

  12. Thule has a voice, very monotone and annoyed. We use it for her often. She refers to Reef as dumb-dumb Reef. “Humans, it is time to go to the park now, get off the couch”
    Cosmo has a voice, but it changes. Sometimes a very distinguished, sometimes very dopey. “Hi der”
    Reef’c voice is very happy and excited. “HI! I WENT FOR A WALK AND THEN I POOPED AND THEN I BARKED AND WE WALKED HOME AND HERE I AMMMMMM!”

  13. Oh god. If you only knew how long Tucker’s monologues can go for. It’s truly the most embarrassing thing when I launch into one of his lectures on safety, or the dangers of drinking and riding, or the inherent risks involved with riding in unfamiliar territory. It’s, um, borderline insane. And he has a very specific voice.

    My cat has his own voice too. But he’s really stupid so he says things like “I can has chicken?”

  14. Ries doesn’t specifically have a voice. I guess I would best describe it as an american gay teenager with first world problems. “Stop talking to that lady and give me more cookies” “How DARE you tighten my girth that tight” “I am most definitely offended that my outfit isn’t matching” “Hi- yeah its nice to see you but can you open my gate so I can say hi to my friends?” He’s a little flaming and a little bit of a princess.

    Monty has more of a derpy voice. He is more like a second grader that wants to be loved but doesn’t understand how. “Coohkie?” “I did it? Oh thank god” and he is a master of temper tantrums. “I CAN’T DO WHAT YOU WANT I CAN’T HERE IS A BUCK FROM STRESS AND FEELINGS”

    My Bf’s dog is a mix of April Ludgate from Parks and Rec and a really derpy chunky middle-schooler. Shes always distracted by something and takes a few moments to process. But when she isn’t a moron shes mostly definitely like “this is my life. this is how I die”

  15. All our dogs have voices and original songs…Lou Voice is our most fave and has us saying awkward things like “nooooodies!” or, “talk to the paw, call waiting” or, “yassss” in public. It’s so fun. Pongo never had a voice either if it makes you feel better!

  16. Hahaha Russian accent is PERFECT.
    We have endless conversations for our kitties. Oftentimes informing each other of the days happenings through them ;,D No accents persay, but very distinct personalities and preferences.
    “Callie, have you told Daddy what you did today?”
    “What did you do my princess?”
    “I caughtsed a birdie allll by myself Daddy! But Mommy wasn happy cos I putses it on the bed and it stained. Silly Mommy.”
    “Well done my girl! Don’t worry, I’ll sort out Mommy ;)”

    All my yard friends do it as well. Our outrides are highly entertaining, what with my super serious boy, the constantly pissed off and um *cough* fiercely verbal mare, the spooky/cocky momma’s boy and the flitsy, ADHD mare.

  17. This. Is. Amazing.
    Frankie has his whole life story: he’s that stereotypical high school football jock who’s super nice to everyone but pretty dumb. Like, he can’t come up with his own plays on the field, but he’s super enthusiastic to do whatever play his coach gives him. And he’s totally failing math class but that’s ok because he already got a full ride next year, and his teachers cut him a break because he’s so charming. His voice is just a derpy dopey voice. So good looking, not too much going on upstairs.
    ….I’ve thought about this a lot.

  18. OMG, the Russian accent! So good! I recently changed the made up voice for my boxer when I had a lightbulb moment of clarity about what it was. You see, he’s a big dumb dumb, cute and loyal, but really silly and kinda stupid… so his voice was always kinda this dopey, dumb voice… but recently, I decided that he actually has the voice of a distinguished creole New Orleans old soul type, and it totally fit!

  19. Oh goodness no. Violet sounds like a little girl playing princess. She always has been the princess of the barn, after all. Luke is just a big doof of a dog and sounds pretty much like one.

  20. My animals (except Q) all have voices. It’s a daily thing for me. Dave even participates now. My lesson students love Griffins voice and all do their own version of it.

  21. My animals have voices, but not so much accents. The two I have now (dog and horse) are both so intelligent, they basically have human voices. They have a way of “speaking” that is very individual but there are definitely no personas. Maybe that’s the thing with Simon – you are so close, your language is pretty much like good human body language.

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