Across the Line And…

Across the Line And…

I have been pushing and pushing towards the blank slate feeling that comes with this time of year. I wanted the events of my 2015 to be like a bad nightmare. In the dawn, I’d wake up from the dream. At first I’d be groggy and still in that place where you can’t tell horror from reality, but eventually I’d rub my eyes and begin to see the morning light. The mental scars from my dream would still be there, but they’d be more shadow than anything else. I’d be able to stretch my arms and move forward into my day.

Now we’re all standing solidly in a new year, and I can’t say that I feel any different. There’s a lot going on in my head right now that I’m processing. Soon I’ll write about some of it, but today I wanted to mostly play catch up.

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There’s not a lot of young widow self help out there, but what I have read warns you to not make any big decisions in the first year. I’m six months in, and have completely thrown that out the window. In the last 30 days I’ve sold a house and bought one. I’m hopefully closing this week, so you can expect to read exciting topics in the future like, “Painting With Margaritas” and “I Got Drunk and Bought Furniture Online… Again.”

Simon has been mostly hanging out. The weather hasn’t been super cooperative, but the rides I do have are pleasant. Right now we’re coasting in this space where I don’t really have ambitious show goals of any kind, but have been spending some money with my vet and trainer trying to smooth out some rough spots. Before my holiday trip, I was doing a little jump school and asked him for lead changes as I normally would. The first few lines he blew me off entirely, not even changing the front, so I got pissed. On the second go around, I held him very straight to the outside and then pony kicked him hard for the change. Wouldn’t you know it, but he changed completely clean… with a little extra flair. Horse abuse kids – it gets results! (Note: We all should know I’m being sarcastic here)

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The holidays were incredibly hard for me, but I knew they would be. All I’ll say on that subject right now is that I have such incredible people in my life. People who were originally “Tim’s” friends were such an incredible comfort to me when I was in NC. I feel so fortunate to know them and be welcomed into their circle, even without the person who originally brought us all together. Plus I have an excellent support group myself, which includes blog readers and internet friends. Even though I felt like I barely kept my head above water at times during the holidays, I knew there was an entire village ready to throw me a lifeboat if I needed one.

All in all, I’m taking a machine gun approach to 2016. I have a lot of emptiness to fill, and have decided to do that through a variety of new adventures and challenges. In between all of these things, I’ll be blogging again. In the forty hours of driving I had in the car over the holidays, I thought about this blog and what I want it to be now. I’m still figuring that out, but I know there are more words to be written. Soon enough I’ll know how.

36 thoughts on “Across the Line And…

  1. I’m really disappointed I didn’t get to see you while you were here. The holidays were supposed to be somewhat relaxing for us and surprise, surprise- they were anything but. I hope the next time you are in NC it works out.

    PS I’ve missed your blog, and selfishly I’m excited you’re back- in whatever form that takes.

    1. I’m sad I didn’t get to see you as well! I pretty much was non-stop between family and folks every lunch, dinner and after dinner from the time I got to NC to the time I left. Crazy that it seems like there’s never enough time.

  2. Painting with Margaritas sounds like great fun! I’m so glad you feel like you’ve got support from all sides when you need it, and that you’ve got lot of people to help you pick up the pieces when you need them.

  3. I literally laughed out loud re: your drinking pursuits as they relate to home ownership. I wanna come play! You should write up some helpful DIY drinking/decorating picture tutorials. 😉

    If you’d like to partake in any kind of crazy adventure in WV, you’re more than welcome! I can arrange rock climbing, whitewater rafting, hiking, skiing, horse-related pursuits, etc. Bring the dogs. Got a spare bedroom in a timber-frame dreamhome for y’all to relax in. Comes complete with porches for sunrise/sunset watching and a loft for cozy writing.

    Best to you in this new year! May the margaritas be plentiful. 😉

  4. Happy new year! Glad to hear you made it through the holidays <3 Also, super excited for your new blog posts. I've missed reading!!

  5. I’m so glad you’re back and that life is getting a little easier for you. I look forward to your future posts, whatever and whenever they may be
    .

  6. Can I come help for “Painting with Margaritas”?? 😛

    Glad you’re back and glad you’re through the holidays. I hope you have the very best 2016!

  7. Welcome back! I have been thinking of you and missing your blog! Glad you made it through the holidays and the new year.

    Looking forward to hearing your many adventures, non-horsey and horsey. 🙂

    Did you ever finish looking for a new saddle for you and Simon-Pants? Last I recall, you had had the CWD and County rep out.

  8. Glad you had a safe road trip and Happy Holidays. I had a road trip too and ours was a little different than yours, but we all survived. 🙂

    I’ve missed your posts and look forward to reading more. Painting with Margaritas sounds like fun. I have access to several blenders if it helps. Willing to donate to the cause

  9. Glad you survived the holidays. 🙂 I was wondering how things were going.

    Onwards into 2016! A year of saddles that fit! And margarita painting parties! 🙂

  10. The holidays are always hard after a loss *hugs*
    Congrats on the new pad, I cannot wait for those epic blog topics & Yay for things ticking along nicely with Sassy Simon, I’m sure he’s super happy with the extra care and attention he has been receiving from the vet & trainer.

  11. You’re back! I’ve missed reading your posts. I’m glad you were able to get through the holidays with a great support group. I can only imagine how hard it was for you, but you made it!
    When you’re done painting, feel free to come up to CT and do my house…. I’ll supply the booze!

  12. Really Anything with Margaritas … and DUDE, you were right to sell ASAP in the current Austin housing market with where that house is. Don’t even question that.

  13. Love the new face lift for the blog! You help me get through stuff so well Even though you don’t know it, your writing helps others in so many ways. Can’t wait to see what the new year brings. Cheers to you!

  14. Love that I found your blog. Sounds like it’s been a rough year. The best prescription? Horse time.

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