In my overly ambitious goals post, I said that I wanted to lose 50 pounds this year. Almost two months into 2018, this number is still super intimidating to me. In fact, I keep remembering it as 40 instead of 50, but nope — it’s right there on the page. Fifty.
I struggle about blogging and discussing weight loss, because it’s something I tend to get hyper focused on. This is not my first rodeo, but I really want it to be my last attempt to get down to a smaller size. Even as I type this post, I started to write “get down to a size that I’m happy with,” which is the wrong answer.
My entire life, at all kinds of different sizes, I’ve always felt big. I’ve never been happy with my size, no matter what it was. That’s a fundamental problem that I’m finally addressing, but it’s not an overnight fix. I need to weight loss attempt to be different in the previous ones in how I measure my own worth.
The success is not in the pounds lost. The approval is not achieved through compliments by family and friends. I know those are the wrong answers, but I’m still searching for the right ones.
Through this search, I’ve drastically changed my eating habits. Since roughly January 6th, I’ve been following a Keto diet. Since I don’t track my calories and macros yet, I do what they call “lazy Keto.” This means that I’m estimating, and that I’m roughly trying to stick to under 20g of carbs a day. If you’re not familiar with counting carbs, let me tell you — under 20g is hard.
At my best on Keto, I do a ton of low carb cooking and meal prep. I’m a pretty good cook, and being prepared with home made, high quality foods that I truly enjoy helps me be successful. Cooking also lets me feel like I’m not depriving myself of my traditional carb heavy favorite foods, so if I can’t imagine eating another scrambled egg for breakfast, I make keto muffins instead.
At my worst on Keto, I eat a lot of burgers (sans buns) and side salads with ranch dressings. Even on a diet, I love to go out to eat with friends and there are sometimes where I’m out running errands and wanting to pull through the drive through. In those times, I allow myself the treat but I don’t ever cave on the bread option. I pull the bun off the sandwich or burger to give to the dogs later, ignore my friend’s fries and happily sip diet coke. The first month this felt terrible, but honestly now eating tasty food that I didn’t prepare is a treat in itself… even without the bread or potatoes.
For the most part, Keto has been ridiculously easy for me to stick to. I have cheated three times since Jan 6th. Once, I was two weeks in and honestly just wanted to eat some pizza and popcorn with friends. I decided that to be successful in this, I have to admit that I’m not going to go the rest of my life without eating popcorn at a movie… so if that needs to happen occasionally, so be it.
This past weekend was much harder. Through a mix of not being prepared with Keto friendly foods and my general “I’ve been doing this for almost two months and it’s not new and shiny” anymore, I went a little rogue with the diet for a day and a half.
The good thing about Keto is that your body happily adapts to the diet (at least mine did) if you stick with it. My appetite went down, energy went up and carb cravings went almost totally away. The bad thing about Keto is when you introduce an excess of carbs, your body IMMEDIATELY switches gears. So my 1.5 day of eating carbs & sugar immediately made me more tired, hungry again and resulted in a 5 lb water weight gain literally overnight.
So now I’m back on the straight and narrow, and resolved to continue this. It’s not an easy diet, but it’s been one of the easiest for me to follow overall. A lot of nutritionists argue that completely eliminating an entire food group is an unhealthy way to diet. I’m not saying they’re wrong, but calorie counting simply doesn’t work for me. Even though I live my life in a gray area, when it comes to dieting I need a black & white regimen. Keto does that for me, at least at the moment.
I’m hesitant to say how much I’ve lost in these past 45 days, especially since right now it feels like a lie with the recent post-cheat-weekend-weight-gain. Instead, I’ll share these pictures and update on the blog again after another chunk of time has passed.